The Story Game.

[My Chumps]

Quick recap (I added punctuation and fixed up some grammatical errors):

There once was a guy who lived a sad life, and he was very miserable earning his money as a checkout chick at Woolworths. His name Was Albert McFingers and he had a pet dog called Dave. His guilty pleasure was to play uno with Dave. Dave would always piss on the cards. Albert would then immediately rape him... But he knew better and waited for the third date so he can meet the genitals. However, Albert hated vulgarity so he hired a bodyguard named Vladimir who was 5 foot tall, weighed 300 pounds and loved bagels. He bought one for Albert, put chilies in it and he accepted it happily. He then ate the bagel and decided to have a chocolate milkshake before his mother walked in on him having a tug so he spilled his milkshake and cried of embarrassment! So his mum started to faint. She hit her head and was knocked unconscious. The bagel was covered in Albert's milk so he fed it to Dave and grabbed some tissues to blow his load. He then turned off the camera and walked outside into High-Five City, where all his mates and their pet tortoises were lagging behind, so he decided to stop but rode segways to his job interview where mid-interview he noticed a bird flying by that shat on the window which surprised Albert so he shouted, "oh my!" and he too shat himself.
Albert has a hard life but he moves on despite his suicidal tendencies. He searches for a girlfriend through speed dating. He meets a girl that he actually met on E-Harmony which is a bit awkward because his sister knows her and they used to date. Turns out she's a he with a sex change and happens to be his Uncle/Auntie. That's why Albert sometimes considers crawling his head in that noose and pretending it's a leash and runs fast like he's a cheetah because he wants to die his hair pink so he went to coles and bought fairy floss, filled his bath with marinara and sat for half an hour philosophizing the meaning of life while playing with a rubber duck and singing thriftshop because it's flowering awesome.
He walked into the club and taught doges how to Dougie. He learnt from John Wall and it was the best dream he ever had. He was in a wet bed with stains on his sheets, they were yellow, the bong had spilled and there were dragons frolicking and ferrets were dancing around while snacking on children who were innocently playing with lego. They got snatched by a suspicious sumo wrestler on his way to weight watchers.
Every Saturday night a lady dressed in a kimono and house slippers watches Albert eat butter chicken while watching pop Asia on an iPhone who he stole from Ricky Nixon who couldn't call because the phone wasn't charged due to the unpredictable solar flair storm activity which radiated in all its glory. Then out of the blue, Albert had an idea that would change the world forever. It was a cunning plan to end they tyranny or Mr Demetriou by changing the rules of this beautiful game into something spectacularly fair, sensible, tough and better! No more soft bumps and goal umpires call the correct calls, balls don't hit the groin so teams are denied glory. Of course the supporters rejoice, and Albert is fat for a well known reason but nobody cares. Except for of course pies coach Nathan Buckley who has no idea what the hell he likes for breakfast, but still manages to choose the right healthsmart choice. But he still likes to massage Swanny when he doesn't have a skin fold measurement that Dunstall would be proud of.
So Swanny rang up his good mate Albert and asked if he wanted to try some supplements to liven up his sex life because he wasn't doing well with the ladies. He was jealous of Charlie Sheen's new show as it is Swanny's dream to be a supreme lord of the prime television world.
Friday nights on channel 7 are sh*t when Brian Taylor takes on Richo in spot the brain cell competition. And Luke Darcy always has a non offensive view but likes to wash cats in the washing machine because that's what former bulldogs players used to do with him. It has been told that you go blind when you grab a fork and insert it into your eyes via each nostril. So Albert thought he'd try boxing with a kangaroo at the next WWE extreme rules in a TLC match which would never take place because the rock challenged him instead to a dance off. Rocks signature dance move was the boogie, the ladies loved his shaking booty movements when suddenly the unthinkable happened, he came out of the closet and shocked the people with his enormous hairy eyebrow and tattooed butt after defecating on the ground when Nigey came out to fight dressed in pink only to reveal himself as "Super Duper Nigey Man" the talking catfish! The Rock in a panic called TDog to take his place who immediately found the Olsen twins who loooooove to tie Tdog up and get sloshed with the big fella. Tbag said "you old dawg" but really meant go go to Hawaii.
So TDog and the twins went to Hawaii and ate rare sea birds and drank contaminated holy water, then hijacked a small plane and flew to the Bermuda triangle where the twins drastically showed their love by getting sloshed with the big fella before TDog lost the girls because he was too busy doing his hair in pigtails so he could fly to Tbags super awesome party under the magic mushroom tree in Wonderland with Alice and Tbag, Nigey, Easter Bunny and Santa. Tbag brought Lucy along for serving drinks and the evenings entertainment. Then the party was disturbed by the local pet Llama who spat into all the beverages which increased the potency of the house red.
So boozed up, we all started dancing around the fire singing "camp town laides" while waving his arms in the direction of pitbull who arrived in an amazing pink thong which he had found in the back seat of Andrew Demetriou's stage coach bought with funds from of his secret stash of rare Elvis recordings, including unheard classics like "Goal Umpires Lament", "I've Got My Head Up My Arse", "Tanks for the memories", "Weapon of missed destruction" , "Blue Seude Footy Boots" and everyones favourite, "All Coked Up" featuring DJ duo Big Fitzy and Gilly Mac, sampiling "Drug Me Tender" and little green bag. When suddenly Optimus Prime came out from his Andy Demetriou disguise and had a slumber party with Adrian Andreson, who was noticeably staggering around full of poop in his hands and just a damp patch on his knees and elbows from givin' gobbies! Adrian then called his pimp Brad, who immediately found a hippo in bed with Demetriou because it's normal.
So Brad whipped out his gogo mobile for the back seat party girls to shave their ... when interrupted by T Bag and his cheer  squad who were all wearing matching Pink tutu's. So then they ate some beef jerky while twirling their incredibly long nose hairs whilst Singing a song by Candlelight by Rammstein, who were sober and drug free until Cousins gave them some of his special Chunky potato soup because it's his specialty. That and smashing pumpkins cd's he bootlegged from Eddie Mcguire who apparently also enjoys listening to Nathan Buckley sleeping next to him and his raging erection.
There was also another world with fairies and candy full of everything magical and Alf Stewart's rape dungeons which doubled as the secret base of Nigeys evil irrawaddy dolphins and Sharks with friggin lasers attached who could hit targets from thousands of miles away which was just like Trav Cloke who Wrestled a shark when it threatened to eat his ear lobe while singing sweet tunes like Rocket Man and offering him a


That took me much longer than I expected :P

[T Dog]

A serious cheer for your good work My C...great story though..hope it ends well... ;D

[Capper]

vegemite sandwich. Then out of

[T Dog]

nowhere came Super Pav who

[Nige]

sang the Spice Girls hit

[T Dog]

purple haze with lead guitarist

[tbagrocks]

Lez Claypool with him pet

[T Dog]

of the year Miss Brazil

[tbagrocks]

Who showed up in a

[Bill Manspeaker]

latex outfit which

[Nige]

really showed off the curves.

[T Dog]

But on close examination

[tbagrocks]

It was paint from the

[T Dog]

spray can Lez used to

[tbagrocks]

Spoof his tag all over