AXV - Taiwan Dolphins - where dogs used to tremble

[13Brummy]

I look forward to contributing to this club'salready stirling reputation :)

[Jay]

lol good write up Doc.

both you guys were part of the Strikers at some point, so you're now my 2nd favourite club :D good luck to you both

[tor01doc]

TRADES

Finally after 400 plus messages The Dolphins are pleased to announce that they have secured the services of young Bulldog TORY DICKSON.

He will be very glad to escape the oppressive Western Suburbs of Melbourne. He told us he is looking forward to the freedom offered in Taipei. He loves Asian food and had grown tired of the eateries in Footscray and let's just hope he doesn't go overboard when he arrives or he'll have to put in a mighty preseason to trim back down.

Regrettably the big old sauce from Brisbane had to be offered as trade bait and due to superior negotiating skills shown by koopkicka, a slight adjustment had to be made to draft pick orders. The drafting committee were concerned that with the likely move of KT to Brisbane, that Daniel would have fewer chances in front of goal and we all know that goals equal lots of points.

All good though and the future is looking pretty damn rosy here in Dolphinville.


ATTENTION!

A second trade has been formalised to further strengthen the already mighty squad available for selection in the league out East in Taipei.

The senior medical staff room breathed a huge sigh of relief, the accounting team rubbed their grubby little hands together with glee and the bandage washers (still a bit old fashioned here at Taipei General Hospital) were able to decrease their overtime with the news that The X Man Mr Xavier Ellis was leaving. Phew!

In his stead, young Sam Wright joins the club he followed as a child.

His elusive style of play will complement his other attacking team mates and we look forward to watching him thrive in the muggy conditions and in the deep pockets here at Kaohsiung Stadium.

Go Dolphins - li Chia pa be?

[tor01doc]

Reserved for Joke of the Week.

Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?

A microwave stops when you open the door.

Week 2

At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'

He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'

Week 3



These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,

"How have things been going?"

The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,

"I  w..a..s   a..l..m..o..s..t   m..a..r..r..i..e..d."

The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."

The answer comes, " Y..e..s,   I   w..e..n..t   t..o   a
d..o..c..t..o..r    a..n..d    h..e    t..o..l..d    m..e
t..h..a..t    i..f    I   s..p..e..a..k    s..l..o..w..l..y    I
w..i..l..l    n..o..t    s..t..u..t..t..e..r."

The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.

"W..e..l..l,    m..y    f..i..a..n..c..e..e    a..n..d    I
w..e..r..e    s..i..t..t..i..n..g    o..n   h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h   a..n..d    t..h..e   d..o..g    w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..c..k    a..n..d
I    t..o..l..d    h..e..r    t..h..a..t    w..h..e..n    w..e
a..r..e    m..a..r..r..i..e..d,    s..h..e    c..o  u  l  d
d..o     t..h..a..t    f..o..r    m..e     a..n..d    s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w    t..h..e    r..i..n..g   i..n    m..y
f..a..c..e.."

"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the   first
friend.

" W..e..l..l,    I    s..p..e..a..k    s..o    s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t    b..y    t..h..e    t..i..m..e     s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d    a..t    t..h..e   d..o..g,    h..e
w..a..s     l..i..c..k..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..l..l..s"

[Justin Bieber]

'AXV - Taiwan Dolphins - where babies smoke!'

Hahahaha

[JBs-Hawks]

Why are you applying for another job when you have got a bunch of spuds here that need to be taken care of ::)

[tor01doc]

Insomniahhhhhh

[tor01doc]

Trade complete.

Farewell Waters - Medical staff breathe a massive sigh of relief.

Hello N Right - Mr Reliable

And an upgrade of draft picks.

Reasoning - need to plan a bit further ahead as I feel previous recruiting team left squad a bit vulnerable beyond 2014.

Thank you to Adam Ant for his fine witty banter.

[tor01doc]

Reserved for Joke of the Week.

Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?

A microwave stops when you open the door.

Week 2

At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'

He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'

Week 3



These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,

"How have things been going?"

The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,

"I  w..a..s   a..l..m..o..s..t   m..a..r..r..i..e..d."

The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."

The answer comes, " Y..e..s,   I   w..e..n..t   t..o   a
d..o..c..t..o..r    a..n..d    h..e    t..o..l..d    m..e
t..h..a..t    i..f    I   s..p..e..a..k    s..l..o..w..l..y    I
w..i..l..l    n..o..t    s..t..u..t..t..e..r."

The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.

"W..e..l..l,    m..y    f..i..a..n..c..e..e    a..n..d    I
w..e..r..e    s..i..t..t..i..n..g    o..n   h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h   a..n..d    t..h..e   d..o..g    w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..c..k    a..n..d
I    t..o..l..d    h..e..r    t..h..a..t    w..h..e..n    w..e
a..r..e    m..a..r..r..i..e..d,    s..h..e    c..o  u  l  d
d..o     t..h..a..t    f..o..r    m..e     a..n..d    s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w    t..h..e    r..i..n..g   i..n    m..y
f..a..c..e.."

"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the   first
friend.

" W..e..l..l,    I    s..p..e..a..k    s..o    s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t    b..y    t..h..e    t..i..m..e     s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d    a..t    t..h..e   d..o..g,    h..e
w..a..s     l..i..c..k..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..l..l..s"

This week...

>>It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only to accept people
>>whoever had a really bad day on the day they had died. On the first
>>morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the
>>pearly gates and said the first man in line, "Tell me about the day
>>you died." The man said, "Oh it was awful. I was sure my wife was
>>having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her
>>in the act. I searched all over the apartment and couldn't find him
>>anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we lived on the 25th
>>floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. So
>>I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands.
>>He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived. So I went
>>inside
>>  got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it
>>crushed him
>>  The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, so I died."
>>St Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was
>>a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven.
>>He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir,
>>it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor
>>apartment, when I slipped over the edge.
>>I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me but then
>>some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of
>>course,but I landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came
>>out and dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets
>>him into heaven and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job.
>>"Tell me about the day  you died, " he said to the third man.
>>"Okay, picture this.
>>
>>
>>
>>I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator ..."

[tor01doc]

A quick one before I retire.

A mother is concerned that her 16 year old daughter is having sex!  :o
She goes to the doctor  8) and asks what to do  ???
The doctor  8) says that teenagers are headstrong and know everything so you can't stop them.
The doctor  8) tells the mum to talk to her daughter and prescribes the pill and in the meantime condoms etc.

Poor old mum sits her daughter down and talks about safe sex, pregnancy, condoms and the pill  :-[

The daughter very kindly hugs her mum and says don't worry about all that mum. it's fine.

I'm dating Susan!

[tor01doc]

Reserved for Joke of the Week.

Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?

A microwave stops when you open the door.

Week 2

At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'

He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'

Week 3



These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,

"How have things been going?"

The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,

"I  w..a..s   a..l..m..o..s..t   m..a..r..r..i..e..d."

The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."

The answer comes, " Y..e..s,   I   w..e..n..t   t..o   a
d..o..c..t..o..r    a..n..d    h..e    t..o..l..d    m..e
t..h..a..t    i..f    I   s..p..e..a..k    s..l..o..w..l..y    I
w..i..l..l    n..o..t    s..t..u..t..t..e..r."

The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.

"W..e..l..l,    m..y    f..i..a..n..c..e..e    a..n..d    I
w..e..r..e    s..i..t..t..i..n..g    o..n   h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h   a..n..d    t..h..e   d..o..g    w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..c..k    a..n..d
I    t..o..l..d    h..e..r    t..h..a..t    w..h..e..n    w..e
a..r..e    m..a..r..r..i..e..d,    s..h..e    c..o  u  l  d
d..o     t..h..a..t    f..o..r    m..e     a..n..d    s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w    t..h..e    r..i..n..g   i..n    m..y
f..a..c..e.."

"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the   first
friend.

" W..e..l..l,    I    s..p..e..a..k    s..o    s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t    b..y    t..h..e    t..i..m..e     s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d    a..t    t..h..e   d..o..g,    h..e
w..a..s     l..i..c..k..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..l..l..s"

This week...

>>It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only to accept people
>>whoever had a really bad day on the day they had died. On the first
>>morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the
>>pearly gates and said the first man in line, "Tell me about the day
>>you died." The man said, "Oh it was awful. I was sure my wife was
>>having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her
>>in the act. I searched all over the apartment and couldn't find him
>>anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we lived on the 25th
>>floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. So
>>I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands.
>>He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived. So I went
>>inside
>>  got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it
>>crushed him
>>  The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, so I died."
>>St Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was
>>a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven.
>>He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir,
>>it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor
>>apartment, when I slipped over the edge.
>>I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me but then
>>some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of
>>course,but I landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came
>>out and dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets
>>him into heaven and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job.
>>"Tell me about the day  you died, " he said to the third man.
>>"Okay, picture this.
>>
>>
>>
>>I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator ..."

So another...

The Old Cowboy

Ya think you have lived to be 85 and know what you are...then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens!






An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.



As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'

[Jay]

HAHAHA ;D

[tor01doc]

Celebrity fans

World's best golfer (of the female persuasion) - Ms Yani Tseng

Isn't she pretty!  :-*


Plus we also love a pitcher with the Detroit Tigers.

Yes, his name really is pronounced 'Footy knee'!

[tor01doc]

So 2 of Taiwan's smaller 'fish' have moved clubs.

1: TDL to St Kilda where he'll have to fight with Milne, Schneider, Saad and Milera for a crumbing spot - fat chance there!

2: Aaron Edwards to Richmond. Maybe, just maybe?

[tor01doc]

Reserved for Joke of the Week.

Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?

A microwave stops when you open the door.

Week 2

At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'

He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'

Week 3



These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,

"How have things been going?"

The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,

"I  w..a..s   a..l..m..o..s..t   m..a..r..r..i..e..d."

The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."

The answer comes, " Y..e..s,   I   w..e..n..t   t..o   a
d..o..c..t..o..r    a..n..d    h..e    t..o..l..d    m..e
t..h..a..t    i..f    I   s..p..e..a..k    s..l..o..w..l..y    I
w..i..l..l    n..o..t    s..t..u..t..t..e..r."

The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.

"W..e..l..l,    m..y    f..i..a..n..c..e..e    a..n..d    I
w..e..r..e    s..i..t..t..i..n..g    o..n   h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h   a..n..d    t..h..e   d..o..g    w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..c..k    a..n..d
I    t..o..l..d    h..e..r    t..h..a..t    w..h..e..n    w..e
a..r..e    m..a..r..r..i..e..d,    s..h..e    c..o  u  l  d
d..o     t..h..a..t    f..o..r    m..e     a..n..d    s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w    t..h..e    r..i..n..g   i..n    m..y
f..a..c..e.."

"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the   first
friend.

" W..e..l..l,    I    s..p..e..a..k    s..o    s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t    b..y    t..h..e    t..i..m..e     s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d    a..t    t..h..e   d..o..g,    h..e
w..a..s     l..i..c..k..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..l..l..s"

This week...

>>It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only to accept people
>>whoever had a really bad day on the day they had died. On the first
>>morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the
>>pearly gates and said the first man in line, "Tell me about the day
>>you died." The man said, "Oh it was awful. I was sure my wife was
>>having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her
>>in the act. I searched all over the apartment and couldn't find him
>>anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we lived on the 25th
>>floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. So
>>I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands.
>>He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived. So I went
>>inside
>>  got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it
>>crushed him
>>  The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, so I died."
>>St Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was
>>a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven.
>>He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir,
>>it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor
>>apartment, when I slipped over the edge.
>>I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me but then
>>some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of
>>course,but I landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came
>>out and dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets
>>him into heaven and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job.
>>"Tell me about the day  you died, " he said to the third man.
>>"Okay, picture this.
>>
>>
>>
>>I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator ..."

So another...

The Old Cowboy

Ya think you have lived to be 85 and know what you are...then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens!






An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.



As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'

This week's funny...


He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forwards, then backwards again...back and forth...back and forth....in and out....in and out.

Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream
and shouted, 'OK  OK! I can't park the f**king car! You do it, you smug barbie!'