AXV - Taiwan Dolphins - where dogs used to tremble

[tor01doc]

Contrary to the Llamas, here in Taiwan we are still on the piss.

Aaron Edwards is Master of Ceremonies and we are flying.

Hic.

[tbagrocks]

Have you signed Fev as an assistant? What about Cousins? Is Bernie Vince on your radar?

[tor01doc]

Reserved for Joke of the Week.

Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?

A microwave stops when you open the door.

Week 2

At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'

He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'

Week 3



These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,

"How have things been going?"

The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,

"I  w..a..s   a..l..m..o..s..t   m..a..r..r..i..e..d."

The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."

The answer comes, " Y..e..s,   I   w..e..n..t   t..o   a
d..o..c..t..o..r    a..n..d    h..e    t..o..l..d    m..e
t..h..a..t    i..f    I   s..p..e..a..k    s..l..o..w..l..y    I
w..i..l..l    n..o..t    s..t..u..t..t..e..r."

The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.

"W..e..l..l,    m..y    f..i..a..n..c..e..e    a..n..d    I
w..e..r..e    s..i..t..t..i..n..g    o..n   h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h   a..n..d    t..h..e   d..o..g    w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..c..k    a..n..d
I    t..o..l..d    h..e..r    t..h..a..t    w..h..e..n    w..e
a..r..e    m..a..r..r..i..e..d,    s..h..e    c..o  u  l  d
d..o     t..h..a..t    f..o..r    m..e     a..n..d    s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w    t..h..e    r..i..n..g   i..n    m..y
f..a..c..e.."

"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the   first
friend.

" W..e..l..l,    I    s..p..e..a..k    s..o    s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t    b..y    t..h..e    t..i..m..e     s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d    a..t    t..h..e   d..o..g,    h..e
w..a..s     l..i..c..k..i..n..g    h..i..s    b..a..l..l..s"

This week...

>>It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only to accept people
>>whoever had a really bad day on the day they had died. On the first
>>morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the
>>pearly gates and said the first man in line, "Tell me about the day
>>you died." The man said, "Oh it was awful. I was sure my wife was
>>having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her
>>in the act. I searched all over the apartment and couldn't find him
>>anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we lived on the 25th
>>floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. So
>>I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands.
>>He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived. So I went
>>inside
>>  got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it
>>crushed him
>>  The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, so I died."
>>St Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was
>>a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven.
>>He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir,
>>it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor
>>apartment, when I slipped over the edge.
>>I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me but then
>>some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of
>>course,but I landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came
>>out and dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets
>>him into heaven and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job.
>>"Tell me about the day  you died, " he said to the third man.
>>"Okay, picture this.
>>
>>
>>
>>I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator ..."

So another...

The Old Cowboy

Ya think you have lived to be 85 and know what you are...then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens!






An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.



As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'

This week's funny...


He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forwards, then backwards again...back and forth...back and forth....in and out....in and out.

Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream
and shouted, 'OK  OK! I can't park the f**king car! You do it, you smug barbie!'

And this week...

>> > First-year students at Med School were receiving their first
>> > anatomy
>>class
>> > with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery
>> > table with the body covered with a white sheet.
>> > The professor started the class by telling them, In medicine, it is
>> > necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is
>> > that
>>you
>> > not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.
>> >
>> > For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his
>> > finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger
>> > in his mouth. Go ahead and do the same thing, he told his students.
>> >
>> > The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
>> > eventually took turns  sticking a finger in the butt of the dead
>> > body and sucking on it.
>> > When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them, and told
>> > them, The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in
>> > my middle
>>finger
>> > and sucked on my index finger.
>> >
>> > Now learn to pay attention.

[tor01doc]

The Team

DEF: M.Johnson,J. Drummond, C.Enright, R.Dysonshower! N.Vlastuin, J.Hunt

MID: G.Ablett, R.Sloane, N. Lower, S.Wellingham, N.Fyfe

RUC: D.Jolly

FWD: G.Broughton, J.Porplyzia, A.Walker, B.McGlynn

UTI: J.Corey, M.Rosa, T.Dickson, J.Winderlich

BENCH:

DEF:  S.McMahon, K.Hardingham, C.Dell'Olio

MID: K.Horsley, D.Jackson, Hairy C Jones, J Winderlich, Nathan Wright

RUC: M.Kruezer, A. Pattinson, T. Campbell

FWD: M.Stokes, A.Edwards, A.Davey, T. Dennis-Lane, A. McPhee, S. Wright

UTIL: A. Toovey, K. Ugle, Z. Skinner, Brett Ebert

With 7 players gone from my team I am looking for defenders.

Any offers??

[tor01doc]

This week's little joke...

3 virgin sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: ?Nescafe?. Puzzled at first, Mum went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: ?Good till the last drop?. Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding, and the card read: ?Rothmans?. Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes to read from the pack: ?Extra Long. King Size?. She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl departed for her honeymoon in New Zealand ... Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. A month passed; still nothing.. A card finally arrived from Auckland on which was written with shaky hand, ?Air New Zealand ?..
Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.
'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'
MUM FAINTED !!!!!

[Justin Bieber]

I heard some of your players died due to lung cancer

[tor01doc]

No, one of their kids did!

[Justin Bieber]

I heard Rory Sloane is in the Taiwan hospital because of smoking and then got bit by a snake

[KoopKicka]

Looking at that team cant wait to anihlate you come rivalry round! ;D

[Jay]

Looking at that team cant wait to anihlate you come rivalry round! ;D

A huge +1 to that one ;)

[Justin Bieber]

Smoking babies?

And where's my jokes >:(

[tor01doc]

Babies currently chomping on nicorette gum and getting fat.

Dogs scared now.

Jokes coming next week when I am back at work.

Nice of you to notice.

[picker_man]

only thing i noticed was the lack of fwds to kick goals for you :o thats worse then mine when you posted about same stuff.... but i traded in Jroo and Clark to rectify that, who you got :P lol!

[tor01doc]

Ahh - you have spotted my Achilles heel.

Any suggestions, wiseguy?  ;)

[JBs-Hawks]

Jack Gunston for Ablett?  ;)