The joke thread!

[nas]

for all you christmas peoples.

Q. Why does Santa have such a big sack?

A. Cause he only comes once a year.

is that really appropriate JT  :P

Does this mean that the door is open now for full on jokes? Nah behave, better not. lol

[Junktimer]

the blind man goes past a fish n chip shop

says goodnight girls.

Told before on another fb thread

cause that was real appropriate naste  :D

[elephants]

for all you christmas peoples.

Q. Why does Santa have such a big sack?

A. Cause he only comes once a year.

hahahahha flower THAT WAS FUNNY :D

[Junktimer]

haha thanks LE.

not sarcasm right?

[elephants]

nah mate that actually was haha :)

[nas]

  Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy
marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems
by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the
beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'   Artie then
explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a
spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he
wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's
insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man
opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested
inside.  Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to
accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Woolworths store.

There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle
her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last
breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the
murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie
had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the
hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard,
who immediately called the police.

Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie
revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial
arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. 
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ....

(You're going to hate me for this ... )

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WOOLWORTHS!'

[bomberboy0618]

Haha lol naste nice pun ;D
Ok then:
A man entered 10 puns in a local pun contest to see if he would win with one.
No pun in ten did.

[pyronerd]

puns  ::)

[Junktimer]

Haha lol naste nice pun ;D
Ok then:
A man entered 10 puns in a local pun contest to see if he would win with one.
No pun in ten did.

didn't laugh, but I'll acknowledge it.

[Junktimer]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more 'special'."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account," he said.

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

[bomberboy0618]

I get it but its not funny

[Justin Bieber]

I wouldn't expect you to get it BB.

I get it. It's alright but still a little unknown if they don't get the point of a Gold Digger ;).

[Junktimer]

A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3-year-old grandson at every turn.

It's obvious gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.

Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy Albert, we won't be long; easy boy.'

Another outburst and she hears gramps calmly say, 'It's OK Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here; hang in there.'

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and gramps again in a controlled voice is saying, 'Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset -- we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert.'

Very impressed the woman goes up to gramps as he's loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa.'

'Thanks, lady,' replied gramps, 'But I'm Albert . . . the little prick's name is Johnny.'

[Justin Bieber]

Nice anger management he has going :P.

[roo boys!]

Talking to himself ::)