The joke thread!

[nas]

Subject: Fw: Qld Floods

Just talked to a mate from floods in QLD.

He said that since early this morning the flood's nearly waist high, it's pissing down and wind is increasing to near gale force.

His wife has done nothing for hours but look through the kitchen window, she just stares.

He says that if it gets much worse he may have to let her in.....................

[roo boys!]

Subject: Re: Aussie has All Bases covered

A policeman in Adelaide pulled over a driver who had been weaving in and out of the traffic.
He approached the car window and said "Sir I need you to blow into this breathalyzer".

The man reaches into his pocket and produces a doctor's note.

On it was written:

"This man suffers from chronic asthma.
Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath".

The policeman said "Okay then I need you to come and give a blood sample"

The man produced another letter.

This one said:

”This man is a hemophiliac.

Please do not cause him to bleed in any way".

So the officer said: "Right, I need a urine sample then".

The man produces a third letter from his pocket.

It read:

"This man plays cricket for Australia; please don't take the piss out of him"

;D

[McRooster]

A BLONDE calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem:
"I've bought a jigsaw puzzle but it's too hard. None of the
pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" he asks.
"It's of a big rooster," she replies.
"Allright, I'll come over and have a look."
When he arrives, she leads him to the kitchen table where it's laid out.
He takes one look and says, "Oh, for crying out loud,
put the Cornflakes back in the box!"

;D

[HillHero13]

hahaha nice roost.



3 girls are about to be prosicuted by the police, a Blonde a Bruenette and a red head

The call up the bruenette, they say, any last word? she points behind them, and yell avalanche avalanche, the police turn around and run away.


They call up the red heado, the ask do you have any last words, she yells,
tsunami, tsunami. The police turn around and she runs away

They call up the blonde, the yet again, asks any last words. She yells.

FIRE FIRE!

[CrowsFan]

Hilly I think you mean executed. Prosecuted means to get fined...

[HillHero13]

SHUSH!


just like the joke ok.

[Alex7089]

What is with these old jokes Hilly?

[CrowsFan]

Farrah Fawcett died and went to heaven. When she got to the gates God was there to meet her and he said "Farrah since you have lived such a kind life I am going to allow you one wish."
Farrah replied "I just wish for all the children in the world to be safe and happy."
So God killed Michael Jackson

[McRooster]

Two hamburgers walked into a bar and the barman said to them "Sorry, we don't serve food here"  :P

[roo boys!]

I man walks into a bar and slips over in a pile of vomit. He recovers from the shock and takes a seat. A few minutes later a big, tough, tattooed bikey walked in and slipped over the same pile of vomit. The first guys says "I just did that!" to which the bikey turns around and king hits him.

[Alex7089]

Haha!

[roo boys!]

One of my jokes got a laugh! :D

[MajorLazer]

It's a courtesy laugh. :P

[Alex7089]

It's a courtesy laugh. :P

Shhh let him feel good 'bout his joke :P

[roo boys!]

It's a courtesy laugh. :P

I thought so :P