Jokes

[nas]

Paddy and Mick drove to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

[nas]

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your bloody plane!"

[nas]

Dudge and Grazz are working on  a building site.
Dudge says to Grazz "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts  "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"   
Grazz watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Dudge you're mad, go home"  So he leaves the site.
Grazz starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Grazz..

[DazBurg]

Dudge and Grazz are working on  a building site.
Dudge says to Grazz "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts  "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"   
Grazz watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Dudge you're mad, go home"  So he leaves the site.
Grazz starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Grazz..

LOL
GOLD!!!!

[Fireballz]

Paddy and Mick drove to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

HA!

Good from you Naste!  ;D

[T Dog]

I went to see the Red Arrows today.

There were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement. Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.

It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, my wife finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show.  8) 8)

[nas]

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say "Crikey!  There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name ?"
Mick replies "Miles, from Dublin!"

[nas]

Grazz and his wife Karen are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Grazz says  "To hell with this!"  and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and Karen asks "What did you do?"
Grazz replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

[nas]

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you ?"
"Yeah," says Paddy.. "The whole friggin' bed by the looks of it!"

[Bill Manspeaker]

Grazz and his wife Karen are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Grazz says  "To hell with this!"  and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and Karen asks "What did you do?"
Grazz replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

haha that's gold. i had to read it twice to get it :-[

[nas]

Grazz had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
Karen became more and more annoyed and finally said...
"For god's sake! Grazz Leave it on the porn channel, you already know how to fish!"

[nas]

Grazz and Dudge went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Dudge wakes up Grazz and says, "look towards sky, what you see?"
Grazz replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Dudge.
Grazz ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it
tell you, Dudge?"

"Your dumber than cow sh*t. It means someone stole the tent!"

[nas]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

[nas]

Dudge the builder was going through a house he had just built with the woman who owned it.
She was telling him what colour to paint each room...

They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue."

Dudge went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red.

Dudge went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When Dudge went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan.

Dudge went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When Dudge came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell green side up; what is that for?

Dudge says, "Oh don't worry about that, I've got Grazz laying the turf out front.

[Fireballz]

Grazz had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
Karen became more and more annoyed and finally said...
"For god's sake! Grazz Leave it on the porn channel, you already know how to fish!"

My favourite! I lol'd...