Jokes

[T Dog]

A couple of oldies but goodies... :o
1. A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two police officers, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether he can see a picture of the wife.

The guy says "sure " and shows him a picture of his wife.

The policeman looks carefully at the picture and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook, and lets me play golf whenever I want to!"


2. Wiremu, a New Zealander, was in Australia to watch the Bledisloe Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor. "Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey" said Wiremu.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the
only cure was testicular removal.

"No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a sicond opinion ey!"

The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure.

Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.

Wiremu was devastated, but with the Bledisloe Cup just around the corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last
opinion from someone he could trust.

The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv prostate suckness ey"

"What's the cure thin doc?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.

"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."

"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Aussie barbies wanted to take my test tickets off me!"

[Grazz]

lol T Dog 2 good ones 1st one cracked me up. ;D

[nas]

As the coffin was lowered into the ground at a NSW Highway Patrol Officers funeral, a voice from inside the box screams, "I'm not dead, I'm not dead.
Let me out".
The priest smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too Late ar*ehole, the paperwork's already done"!!!

[chrisuzz]

Short and simple jokes are the best!

What do you call a guy with no shin?
Tony (Toe-Knee)

Cant actually think of many atm >:(

[Grazz]

As the coffin was lowered into the ground at a NSW Highway Patrol Officers funeral, a voice from inside the box screams, "I'm not dead, I'm not dead.
Let me out".
The priest smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too Late ar*ehole, the paperwork's already done"!!!

haha shame i get that. ::)

[nas]

Two men in a bar one man turns to the other and asks,
"Tell me, why do you keep pouring beer into your hand?"
The other man replies,
"I'm getting my date drunk."

[Grazz]

Two men in a bar one man turns to the other and asks,
"Tell me, why do you keep pouring beer into your hand?"
The other man replies,
"I'm getting my date drunk."

Often saw naste pouring beer on his hand at Moomba, his left one to. Party animal. ::)

[nas]

A Grazz and Karen are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks
over at him and asks the question....

Karen: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

Grazz: "Definitely not!"

Karen: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

Grazz: "Of course I do.."

Karen: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "

Grazz: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

Karen: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

Grazz: (makes audible groan)

Karen: "Would you live in our house?"

Grazz: "Sure, it's a great house."

Karen: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

Grazz: "Where else would we sleep?"

Karen: "Would you let her drive my car?"

Grazz: "Probably, it is almost new."

Karen: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

Grazz: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

Karen: "Would you give her my jewellery?"

Grazz: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

Karen: "Would you take her golfing with you?

Grazz: "Yes, those are always good times."

Karen: "Would she use my clubs?

Grazz: "No, she's left-handed."

Karen: -- silence --

Grazz: "sh*t."

[Spinking]

Hahahaha!!!   ;D

Love it Naste!

[nas]

Dudge was meeting a Grazz in a bar and as Grazz went in, noticed two pretty girls looking at him "Nine," Grazzheard one whisper as he passed.
Feeling pleased with himself, he  swaggered over to my Dudge and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.
"I don't want to ruin it for you," Dudge said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German.

[T Dog]

Heres a few quickies... :o

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef.

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

A horse walks into a bar. Barman asks "why the long face"

[nas]

What a load of cr*p it is about women multi tasking .....
I just told the wife to sit down and shut up ...
Can she do it , can she bollocks !!!

[nas]

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked
up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that
Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh ...
I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the
problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and
there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

[Grazz]

lol i knew i was Cannon Fodder as soon as i wrote it something. ;)

[nas]

Six Golden Rules For F***ing

1. F***ing once a week is good for your health but harmful if done every day.

2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind and body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After f***ing don't eat too much; go for more liquids.

5. Try to do f***ing in bed because it can save you valuable energy.

6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level.

So remember - Fasting is good for your health - and may God cleanse your
Dirty Mind!