Jokes

[T Dog]

Q: How did boobs got their name?
A: From the top view it looks like a B, the front view looks like oo, and the side view looks like a b.

[T Dog]

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?'
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?'
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag.
She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head.
She checks the measurement and announces, 'Fivefoot two!'
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?'
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, 'Mandy!'
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?'
'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''

8)

[T Dog]

One day Jesus was out for a walk, strolling near the walls surrounding heaven, when he heard an old man's voice call from the other side.
"Hello? Hello?"
Jesus replied, "Who is it?"
"Just a poor, old carpenter searching for his son," the old man replied.
Jesus' heart leapt with joy and he called out, "Joseph?"
The voice answered back, "Pinocchio?"


::)

[T Dog]

A drunk gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop. He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus. Still the man is fumbling in his pockets for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus. Next stop, the same thing happens. Every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back. A few stops later the drunk exits the the bus from the front.

"Hey", shouts the bus driver... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"

The drunk, reeling, shouts back "And I'm not going to!..... I walked all the way!"

[T Dog]

I noticed I was starting to go bald, so I got some of that Rogaine stuff.
I've been using it for months now, but it doesn't seem to work at all.
Tastes flowering horrible too.

>:(

[T Dog]

Why are Blues supporters buried 10 metres underground?

Because deep down, they're really not that bad!   8)

[Ringo]

Why are Blues supporters buried 10 metres underground?

Because deep down, they're really not that bad!   8)

Just above the Pies supporters  ;)

[T Dog]

Why are Blues supporters buried 10 metres underground?

Because deep down, they're really not that bad!   8)

Just above the Pies supporters  ;)

Thank you   ;D

[T Dog]

Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.   8)

[T Dog]

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

;D

[T Dog]

An elderly priest was speaking to a younger priest. "You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm! The front of the church always fills first now."
As the young priest nodded, the old priest continued, “You also told me to assign a little more beat to the music because it would bring young people back to church. So, I supported you when you bought in that rock ‘n’ roll Gospel choir. Now, our services are consistently packed.“
"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth."
"All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest. "But, I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."
"But Father," protested the young priest. "My confessions and donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"
"Yes," replied, the elderly priest. "I appreciate that, but the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot 'n’ Tell or Go to Hell’ cannot stay on the church roof!"

8)

[T Dog]

Did you hear about the 2 guys who stole a calendar?

They each got 6 months.

[T Dog]

Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.

[DazBurg]

i just put $5 on Essendon to make the 8

Badoom tish


no wait i'm serious :P

[T Dog]

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech.
When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."
The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."