Jokes

[T Dog]

They arrested my local bartender for taking liquor home. I believe the official charge was "emboozlement."

[T Dog]

I had a near death experience the other day    :'(

'I farted in the bath and nearly drowned trying to smell it' 

???

[T Dog]

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

[T Dog]

"Vegan" -  comes from an old Native American word meaning poor hunter.

[nrich102]

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Collingwood and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Collingwood fan. She asks her students to
raise their hands if they, too, are Collingwood fans.
Everyone in
the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn’t you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Collingwood fan,” she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a
Collingwood fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a Richmond fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Mary, why are you a Richmond fan?" My mum and dad were born and raised in Richmond, so my mum is a Richmond fan and my dad is a Richmond fan, and so I'm a Richmond fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Richmond fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was in jail, your dad was a drug dealer and your brother was a car thief, what would you be then?"
"Then," Mary said, "I'd be a Collingwood fan."

;D ;D

[Jacka33]

The truth about supercoach this year

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdH8qj32LY8

[My Chumps]

The truth about supercoach this year

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdH8qj32LY8

hahahhahaha terrific

[T Dog]

when DT goes wrong..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zkiwCjvUIM

[nrich102]

What do you call a Collingwood supporter with half a brain?



Gifted.

[T Dog]

Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one sunny afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, "Daddy, what are they doing?" The dad responds after some quick thinking, "Why son, their making a puppy."

Later that night Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get a glass of water. As he walked by his mom and dad's room, he heard a noise and looked in only to find them going at it. Billy shouts, "Daddy what are you doing?" The father, quite embarrassed, replies "Why Billy, we're making a baby." "Quick, turn her over..." declares Billy, "...I want a puppy!"

8)

[T Dog]

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

[T Dog]

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"

George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!)the light goes off when I'm done."

"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said," George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?"

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

8)

[nrich102]

Did you hear about the blind circumciser?

He got the sack ...

:-[

[T Dog]

What do you get when you drop boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies.

[T Dog]

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.

;D