Jokes

[T Dog]

An agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

I'm addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

I had a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.

A cannibal passed his brother in the woods.
;D

[tor01doc]

At the bulimic girl's birthday party, the cake jumped out of the girl.

[T Dog]

I went on a once in a lifetime holiday.

Never again. 8)

[T Dog]

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.  :-\

[T Dog]

Philippe Philoppe - that cracked me up.

just for you then El Toro...

A man with two left feet buys a pair of flip flips.  ;D

[SydneyRox]

This is a little inappropriate rather than rude, (no nudity) and you may have seen it already but it is one of the funniest things I have seen in a while.

Cant stop watching it.

https://vine.co/v/Mbt1nZlKYAw

[T Dog]

Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.  8)

But do you know what's worse than people who don't answer their own questions?
People who answer rhetorical questions

;D ;D

[T Dog]

What's E.T. short for? Because he's only got little legs.
;D
think about it.....

[T Dog]

Driving past the grounds of the university, a professor saw a student running hard. Snarling at his heels were three huge  dogs. Intent on rescue, the professor braked his Volkswagon to a halt and threw open the door. "Hurry, get in! He commanded." "Get in!" "Say, you are the greatest," the bearded youth gasped. "Most people won't offer me a lift when they see I have three dogs."
;D

[tor01doc]

Driving past the grounds of the university, a professor saw a student running hard. Snarling at his heels were three huge  dogs. Intent on rescue, the professor braked his Volkswagon to a halt and threw open the door. "Hurry, get in! He commanded." "Get in!" "Say, you are the greatest," the bearded youth gasped. "Most people won't offer me a lift when they see I have three dogs."
;D

Not possible.

Academics can't afford German cars.

[T Dog]

I told my doctor Toro Doc that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.  ;D

[T Dog]

Today I met a girl with 12 nipples, sounds strange dozen tit.  :)

[T Dog]

How do you kill a circus?

You go for the juggler.... ;D

[T Dog]

Chicken marches into the library, walks up to the library desk, and says: Book, book, BOOK!
The librarian hands over a a couple of slim childrens paperbacks, and watches the chicken as it leaves the library, walks across the street, through a field, and disappears down the hill.
Next day, the chicken is back. Walks right up to the librarian, drops the books on her desk, and says, Book, Book, BOOK, BOOK! The librarian hands over a few books and again watches the chicken drag them away.
The next day  the chicken comes for a third time. Drops the books on the desk, and says, Book, Book, Book, BOOK!!
This time  once the chicken is out the door, the librarian follows  across the street, through a field, and down the hill to a small pond.
On a rock on the edge of the pond is the biggest frog the librarian has ever seen. The chicken walks up to the frog, drops the book on the ponds edge, and says, Book, Book, Book!
The frog hops over, uses the front leg to push through the pile, and says:  Read it, read it, read it
::)

[T Dog]

There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were named Emily, Maggie and Rose.

After approximately 14 hours, Emily staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, Maggie crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, Rose finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, 'I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.'