Jokes

[nas]

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry..

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass..

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place..'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Feck dat.

Dis budgie jumping is too feck'n dangerous for me!'

THERE'S MORE. ...

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other..

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

IT IS NOT OVER YET....

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head. 'Feck dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his feck'n hengliding!'

[T Dog]

Did ya know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans!  ???

[T Dog]

We did sex education at school, and were shown various films on the subject, one I especially remember was the 'how to put on a condom' So when the time came, and I was in the position to try out what i learned at school, I took the condom and followed the instructions from the video. All was going well, when she said 'So, now what do we do with the banana ??'
:o

[T Dog]

Six Truths in Life




1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility due to the tendons within your neck .






2. All idiots, after reading 1. will try it.











3. And discover #1 is a lie.











4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.











5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.










6. There is still a stupid smile on your face .
;D

[CrowsFan]

Guess I'm not an idiot :P

[Nige]

Guess I'm not an idiot :P

Did you still have a stupid smile on your face at the end knowing others would try it?

[CrowsFan]

Guess I'm not an idiot :P

Did you still have a stupid smile on your face at the end knowing others would try it?

I don't know this word. What is "smile"?

[Nige]

Guess I'm not an idiot :P

Did you still have a stupid smile on your face at the end knowing others would try it?

I don't know this word. What is "smile"?

Thought so, party pooper.  :) :o :P

[Grazz]

Yep i am an idiot. :(

[T Dog]

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish."  8)

[T Dog]

I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!


;D

[T Dog]

A few "dad jokes" for you to use over the weekend.. ;D

Two aerials met on a roof. They fell in love and got married.  The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant

Why was the mortgage so upset? Because it was a loan

Why was the horse so happy? Because he lived in a stable environment

Do you want to hear two short jokes and a long joke? Joke, joke, jooooooooooooke.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Philoppe

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I have a gravel path in my garden while my neighbour's is concrete. I think mine wins on aggregate.

Why was the writer in agony? Because the sub-editor had removed his colon.

Confucius he say: 'man who seduces virgin on hillside, not on the level'.

A Roman walks into a bar,  holds up two fingers, and says:  5 beers please

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one

Met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs

They say being a hostage is difficult - but I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.
8)

[T Dog]

A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".
:)

[Jackross10]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A lickalottapus.
Lol

[nrich102]

 I tried making a password "brazildefence" but the site said its too weak  :-[