Jokes

[CrowsFan]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/can-you-understand-these-knee-slappers?bffb

Didn't understand 3 of them, but the rest were great ;)

[GoLions]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/can-you-understand-these-knee-slappers?bffb

Didn't understand 3 of them, but the rest were great ;)

Understood more than half 8)

...11/21

[PowerBug]

yeah I got about half of them, the maths-science ones mostly. 7, 18 and 20 my favourites.

[CrowsFan]

The ones I didn't fully get were 3, 4, and 13.

Personally I think 1 and 2 are great, 12 and 15 also good :)

[PowerBug]

Oh yeah number 12. That's a good one. I'm a chemist, personally.

[tor01doc]

The ones I didn't fully get were 3, 4, and 13.

Personally I think 1 and 2 are great, 12 and 15 also good :)

3 - In Latin, a word that ends in -us usually changes to its equivalent ending in -i when made plural.

Martini is therefore plural of Martinus - a play on words.

4 - Descartes was famous for postulating (incorrectly in my opinion*) that, 'I think, therefore I am.'

So when he says 'I think not' - he no longer exists and disappears.

* - I believe 'I am, therefore I think.'  And it is just that thinking that makes our lives so problematic. 

13 - one is somebody who studies the origin / meaning of words. The other studies insects.

Now somebody explain number 8 for me please.  ???

[CrowsFan]

Cheers doc, never studied Latin so didn't get the Roman one, and I didn't associate Descartes with that quote.

8 basically is referring to an infinite sum where in this case the it is f(x)=1/2^x, each mathematician is assigned an increasing number for x. Basically although the sum will be infinite because there is infinite people you can say that the sum is approaching 2.

The bartender not wanting to pour infinite beers sees this pattern and pours 2 beers. Telling the infinite mathematicians that they should know their own limits and can figure it out themselves.

Does that help?

[tor01doc]

Cheers doc, never studied Latin so didn't get the Roman one, and I didn't associate Descartes with that quote.

8 basically is referring to an infinite sum where in this case the it is f(x)=1/2^x, each mathematician is assigned an increasing number for x. Basically although the sum will be infinite because there is infinite people you can say that the sum is approaching 2.

The bartender not wanting to pour infinite beers sees this pattern and pours 2 beers. Telling the infinite mathematicians that they should know their own limits and can figure it out themselves.

Does that help?

Yes but it just makes me thirsty.

Cheers.

[T Dog]

Things To Think About  ???

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
8)

[CrowsFan]

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Sorry, just annoys me when people actually use that as an argument against evolution.

[T Dog]

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orang-utan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
8)

[T Dog]

A blonde is missing for three days. Her husband is very worried and searches for her everywhere, calls the cops, but nothing turns up. On the third day the blonde shows up at home and her husband opens his eyes widely and looks at her in disbelief. He starts talking to her:
- Where have you been!? We've been looking everywhere for you!
- I was kidnapped, and they kept me for a week!
- Wait, you've only gone for three days!
- I know silly, but I have to go back for another four!
;D

[T Dog]

"A Farewell to Arms" is Ernest Hemingway's novel about an American soldier in Italy during World War I. He falls in love with a nurse in the hospital, decides to go AWOL, and rows all night with her in a boat from Italy to Switzerland to evade the authorities.

His girl friend was sitting in the stern of the boat, and he was rowing in the middle. At one point he said, "Cath, I love you."

She said, "Pardon?"

He said, "I said I love you."

She still didn't hear him, so he removed an oar from the lock, moved up to the stern, resumed steering the boat from that position, and said again, "I love you."

She said, "I love you too, but why are you standing there sculling when you can do so much better rowing where you were?"

He said, "You are undoubtedly right: I just sculled to say I love you."

[tor01doc]

Does anyone remember the line from 'The Sound of Music' when the Mother Superior asks Maria about what is bothering her?

'What is it, you can'tface, Maria?'

[nas]

I saw a chap with a bumper sticker saying: "I am a veterinary surgeon, therefore I drive like an animal."

Suddenly I realised how many gynaecologists and proctologists there are on the roads.