Jokes

[T Dog]

It is hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what is telling me to say that.

8)

[T Dog]

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?....though it may just be me... :-[

[T Dog]

Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine?
She demanded $2,000,000.00 and a parachute.  ;D

[tor01doc]

A guy meets a girl at a pub. Usual pick up lines etc etc and home they go.

He goes down on her and says, "Yikes. What's that smell? It stinks."

"Yeah" she says. "That's my arthritis."

Puzzled, he asks "What? Arthritis of your fanny?"

"No. My shoulder. I can't wipe my arse!"

[My Chumps]

A guy meets a girl at a pub. Usual pick up lines etc etc and home they go.

He goes down on her and says, "Yikes. What's that smell? It stinks."

"Yeah" she says. "That's my arthritis."

Puzzled, he asks "What? Arthritis of your fanny?"

"No. My shoulder. I can't wipe my arse!"

[T Dog]

Lecturer: "Today we are discussing sexual intercourse. There are sixty different ways of achieving sexual intercourse".
Voice from the back: "Sixty five!"
Lecturer: "There are sixty known different ways ..."
Same voice again: "Sixty five!"
Lecturer: "Despite the gentleman at the back, there are sixty different ways known to the medical profession, the first of which being man on top of woman".
Voice from the back: "Sixty six!"

8)

[T Dog]

   Emotional extremes

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

;D ;D ;D

[Ringo]

What is the difference between an English Batsmen and Cinderalla?

Cinderalla knows when to leave the Ball.

[henry]

What is the difference between an English Batsmen and Cinderalla?

Cinderalla knows when to leave the Ball.

Someone showed that one to me the other day, absolutely love it.

[T Dog]

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
:o

[Ringo]

Another English Cricket joke

What is the definition of Optimism?

An English Batsmen putting on Sunscreen.

[tor01doc]

The Indian Ambassador takes his Russian counterpart on a tour through New Delhi. As they drive along they see several Indians taking dumps by the roadside.

The Russian is disgusted and the Indian embarrassed but remains silent.

When the Indian visits the Russian Ambassador, they tour through a spotless, gleaming Moscow and the Russian beams with pride.

Suddenly the Indian spots a man taking a dump by the roadside. 'I see,' he says smugly, 'that you Russians also do poo by the road.'

As they get closer, the Russian smiles and says, "That's the Indian Consul-General!'

[tbagrocks]

England :P

[tor01doc]

Adelaide  :P

[T Dog]

An Englishman, an Indian, a Russian and a South Australian walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of bloody joke?"
8)