Jokes

[T Dog]

I love dad jokes...lol...

Which farmer sits on his tractor shouting...The end is nigh.?
Farmer Geddon.

What is Australias friendliest freeway?
M8.

What is Forrest Gumps Facebook password?
1Forrest1.

What is a quark?
The sound a posh duck makes.

What is ET short for?
Because he has short legs

:D :D :D

[nrich102]

Let me tell you a joke about procrastination. Ill tell you later ;)

Ive decided Im going to give up procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

[Nige]

Go Lions:  What is the chemical formula for water?
Nigey:  "HIJKLMNO"!!
Go Lions:  What are you talking about you buffoon?
Nigey:   Gimmeee a break..Yesterday you said it's H to O!
8) ;D

I'm gonna be honest, Nigey isn't the sharpest tool in the shed

:o :(

[T Dog]

A man was strolling along a beach in California. On giving the sand a kick he struck a corked bottle. He bent down, picked it up and removed the cork. Immediately, a Genie came out of the bottle and said to him, "Master, I have been a prisoner in this bottle for a thousand years and now you have set me free. For that, I will grant you one wish." The man thought for a moment then said, "I always wanted to go to Hawaii but I am afraid to fly and I get sick on a ship. Could you build a highway from California to Hawaii?" "Master, that is a difficult wish to fulfill. Can you think of something that is more practical?" The man thought for a moment and said, "Could you tell me why women are the way they are?" The Genie thought for a moment before replying, "Would that be two lanes or four?"
8)

[T Dog]

If money does not grow on trees why do banks have branches?
8)

[T Dog]

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.  8)

[Capper]

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye bread.
She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen.
He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

[timmyparso]

A teacher at the local school had to go for an eye test; he couldn't control his pupils.

[timmyparso]

How can you tell when you've run out of invisible ink?

[timmyparso]

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie

[EZA100]

If money does not grow on trees why do banks have branches?
8)

HAHAHAHA liked that one.

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye bread.
She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen.
He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

Did not see that one coming at the end haha.

[Vinny]

A man walks into a bar...and..... I forgot the rest of the joke but...your mum is a whore. :P

[T Dog]

I will let her know Vinny... ::)

[T Dog]

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.  The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

[T Dog]

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven. God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven. So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed. The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed. But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke. God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet" The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"