Jokes

[CrowsFan]

Who is the most popular man at the nudist colony?


The one who can hold 4 cups of coffee and 12 donuts!




Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony?


The one who can eat the 12th donut ;D

[GoLions]

Go Lions:  What is the chemical formula for water?
Nigey:  "HIJKLMNO"!!
Go Lions:  What are you talking about you buffoon?
Nigey:   Gimmeee a break..Yesterday you said it's H to O!
8) ;D

I'm gonna be honest, Nigey isn't the sharpest tool in the shed

[T Dog]

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
"It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
8)

[T Dog]

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a flowerin' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a flowerin' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a flowerin' checking account in this damn bank!" "I see sir," the manager said, "and this dog is giving you a hard time?"
8)

[SydneyRox]

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a flowerin' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a flowerin' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a flowerin' checking account in this damn bank!" "I see sir," the manager said, "and this dog is giving you a hard time?"
8)

Gold!

[T Dog]

I'm going to stand outside.
So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
;D

[GoLions]

I'm going to stand outside.
So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
;D

Ahahahaha, I must use this at some point  ;D

[T Dog]

TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?
CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking?
TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.
CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?
TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.
CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out? T
ECH: I'm not sure I understand?
CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?
8)

[T Dog]

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.
If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right." "Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my bumhole." And the idiot went to heaven.
;D

[T Dog]

Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter?
When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends' houses to show them the picture of your dinner?
No?
Me neither.
>:(

[My Chumps]

Hahaha, quality TDog!

[T Dog]

Hahaha, quality TDog!

Thanks Chump meister... 8)

[nrich102]

A man walks into a bank and says, 'Can you give me a loan so I can build a hat shop Brisbane and call it Hats of Brisbane' The bank owner tells him it's a terrible idea and he would make no money so he won't give him the loan. The next week he comes back and says to the bank owner 'can I make a sunscreen shop in Cairo, and call it Sunscreen of Cairo. Again the bank owner rejected his idea and sent him away. The next week the man came back and said 'I want to make a cheese shop in Israel and call it Cheeses of Nazareth.' The bank owner gave him a loan.

[henry]

Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter?
When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends' houses to show them the picture of your dinner?
No?
Me neither.
>:(

Haha very good :)

[GoLions]

A father hadn't seen his daughter in years, and as he lay on his deathbed, she came running in.

"Dad, I'm sorry!" She wept. The father looked at her, and breathed his final words...

"Hello Sorry...I'm Dad."