Jokes

[nrich102]

On one stormy night, a mans car broke down. The man walked to a light post and stood under it. After he had been standing there for a while, he saw a car coming. Without even thinking of knocking on the window and asking if he could get in, he opened the door and hopped in the car. The first thig the man realised was that there was no driver. The man sat there wondering what was happening, when he saw a corner. The man was starting to freak out, but as the car was about to go off the road, a white hand reached in and turned the wheel. The guy was really starting to freak out, when he saw a pub in the distance. He jumped out of the car and ran to the pub as fast as he possibly could. When he got in the pub, the barman saw he was shocked and asked him what happened. G-g-ghost the man managed to get out.

About 10 minutes later, 2 men walked into the bar. One of them said to the other, "Look, there's that idiot who jumped in the car while we were pushing it."

[PowerBug]

look at @antijokecat on twitter. All his tweets you think you are about to get a racist, sexist joke, then reality hits. Yes some of them are quite lame, quick exhibit:

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says: "Why the long face?" The horse, unable to speak english, showers on the floor and leaves.

[My Chumps]

A chemist and his friend walk into a bar.

The chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O." So the bartender gave him water. His friend said "I'd like a glass of H2O, too." So the bartender also gave him water, because he knew what he meant and had no conceivable reason to be carrying hydrogen peroxide, much less to be giving it as a drink.



A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife ignores him, pretending to be asleep. The man rolls over and begins to sob because he realises his marriage is in shambles.



A Horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse then proceeds to explain that he's recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer and only has weeks to live.

[nas]

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see

[nas]

Death: It's your time. give me your hand
Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I'll never die!
Death: Holy shower! You figured out the key to living forever! You're soooo smart! High five!
Blonde: *high fives*
Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...

[nas]

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back

[nas]

There's a blonde. She enters a laughing contest.
There's 10 levels to the contest.
She gets to the 9th level and bursts into laughter.
The host asks her "Why did you laugh, you could have won."
The blonde reply's, "I finally got the first joke."

[nas]

The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

[its me lads]

Wow some of these are shockers classic  ;D  ;D

So there was this guy who was really good with wood. He made a wooden motorbike. It was completely wood. The frame was wooden, the handle bars were wooden, the seat was wooden, the engine was wooden. But when he went to start it, it wooden (wouldn't)  start!  :P

Two cows were standing in a paddock, one cow says "MOOO" then the other cow turns to him and says "hey, I was gonna say that"

Two muffins were getting baked in an oven. One muffin says "wow, it's hot in here" The other muffin says "Holy Crap a talking muffin!"

[PowerBug]

What do you call a no eye deer?

A deer. The fact it has no eyes doesn't change the species.

::) :P

[T Dog]

A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a discman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde collapsed onto the floor gasping for air. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in ..breath out.."  ;D

[nrich102]

A Collingwood supporter walks into a library and asks the librarian for a pizza. The librarian replies to the man, "Sir, this is a library" the Collingwood supporter then says "Oh, sorry" then he whispers "Can I please have a pizza?"  ;D

[T Dog]

A Collingwood supporter walks into a library and asks the librarian for a pizza. The librarian replies to the man, "Sir, this is a library" the Collingwood supporter then says "Oh, sorry" then he whispers "Can I please have a pizza?"  ;D

This is just not right...us pies supporters do not whisper... >:(

[T Dog]

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together.
They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it.
The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull.
When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams.
The farmer says he wants $200 for it.
The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"
The brunette accepts and buys the bull.
She has $1.00 left for the telegram.
The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word."
The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."
"Comfortable?" the guy questions.
"Yes, you see she reads slow."
8)

think about it...... ;)

[its me lads]

Wow tdog hahahaha very clever :D