Jokes

[DazBurg]

yup i read it everyday to
not only are they funny but i'm amazed at how many jokes you know

[T Dog]

thanks everyone.. ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaPepCVepCg

Now a video  8)

[CrowsFan]

If you're putting up videos of walk on the wild side then you definitely have to watch this one - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ1HKCYJM5U&feature=relmfu

Night time, day time is the best!

[Dudge]

Bloody hell T Dog. Just keep coming up with rippers.

Please keep em coming, loving them. :)

Yeah +1

Although I don't reply to them, I have read everyone of your jokes and actually look forward to hearing them lol

I read this thread every single day, it really makes me feel better if I have had a crappy day :P (and makes me feel better on a good day too!)

Thank again T Dog.

brilliant T Dog, agree with Spite, good to have a laugh at the end of a bad day

[T Dog]

If you're putting up videos of walk on the wild side then you definitely have to watch this one - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ1HKCYJM5U&feature=relmfu

Night time, day time is the best!

gold CF  ;D

[T Dog]

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the
street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to
see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me
flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the
big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations
after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending
the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
:o

[Spite]

LOL!!!!!!!! One of my favourite ones above T Dog!!!!

[T Dog]

What Not To Say To A Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
8)

[Dudge]

Like a heap of them, but 42's a gem

[quinny88]

Two cowboys are out on the range one starry night talking about their favourite sex positions.
One says, "Ever had rodeo sex?".. "Ain’t heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?"
"Well, you get the girl down on all fours, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup her breasts, whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister’s' and see how long you can hang on"

[quinny88]

A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea".

[Dudge]

I was watching a film with my little boy.
He said "dad i'm scared, is that lady going to die"?
I said," probably son, judging by  the size of that horses knob

Sorry all,sent on my phone today

[T Dog]

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
;D ;D ;D

[T Dog]

A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself.
A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists.
"What are you doing." they ask her.
So she replies "Hanging myself."
The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck."
The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."
:o

[T Dog]

My wife peaked around the door and then gingerly stepped into the liounge room dressed in her best lingerie and groomed to perfection. "Well hello sexy. What can I do for you tonight?", she purred in her sexiest voice. I looked at her. Thought for a moment. My eyes widened. I clapped wildly and shrieked "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!!!"
We just dont get on like we used too... ;D