Jokes

[T Dog]

 Why does the blonde throw breadcrumbs in the toilet every morning? -- To feed the toilet duck  :o

[T Dog]

Billy Manspeaker failed in the final Law Exam & decided to make a deal with the Professor.

BM: Sir, Can I ask you one question?

Professor: Yes.

BM: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final marks, if you cant, you will have to give me an "A" grading.

Professor agreed.

BM asked: What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give The student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

The following day, Professor asked same question to his students. He was shocked when all of them raised their hands......

He asked one student - PK. He answered:
Sir, you are 65, married to a 28 yrs old woman, this is legal but not logical. Your wife, is having an affair with a 17 year old boy, this is logical but not legal. Your wife's boyfriend has failed in his exam & yet you have given him an "A", this is neither logical nor legal

8)

[nrich102]

Santa Claus , the tooth fairy, an intelligent Collingwood fan, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a $100.00 note. Who gets it?


The drunk, of course ; the other three are mythical creatures. ;)

[T Dog]

There is a Gold Coast psychiatrist that has a thriving practice, particularly during the football season. He tried an idea-association test on a patient and asked her what came to mind when she thought of something brown, firm and had smooth curves. " A football" said the patient immediately. "Good. And what comes to mind when two arms slide around your waste?" "An illegal tackle" was the instant reply. "Now picture a firm set of thighs" "a full back!" "Top marks" said the psychiatrist. "Your answers are perfectly normal. You would be surprised by some of the silly answers I get."

8)

[Grufflez]

I am not a racist, but.....

How do you kill a wog at the beach?

[Grufflez]

Set fire to the oil slick.

[T Dog]

Four catholic ladies were having coffee...The first catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.

The second catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third catholic crone says "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'".

Since the fourth catholic woman sips her coffee calmly, and says "My son is 6'2", he's loaded with dough,...got broad square shoulders... terribly handsome... dresses very well... tight muscular body... tight hard buns... and a very nice bulge... and whenever he walks into a room... women gasp, 'Oh, my God...'."

8)

[T Dog]

An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.

[T Dog]

On the surface of things whales are always blowing it.

[T Dog]

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive on Valentines Day by 90 percent....
Wedding cake.

;D

[T Dog]

KB's convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.
"I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date, "you're going to pull the old 'out of petrol' routine."
"No," said KB, " I'm going to pull the 'here after' routine."
"The 'here after' routine... what's that?" she wanted to know.
"If you're not here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I'm gone!" he replies.  8)

[T Dog]

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

just wondering   ::)

[T Dog]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?


no seriously  :)


Last night me and Mrs Dog watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.  8)

[T Dog]

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled in auto mechanic school.

He performed well in the course but was still shocked when he got an off-the-chart 200 on his final exam. He asked the instructor to explain the grade.

"I gave you 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly," the teacher said, "50 points for putting it back together correctly -- and an extra 100 points for doing it all through the muffler."
:o

[T Dog]

Finally, a friend's husband has decided that, at the ripe old age of 48, he needs to get into shape. They went to the gym where a trainer asked him if he could do the splits. 'Of course I can't', he answered. 'How flexible are you?' she asked. To which he replied 'Well, I can't do Tuesdays.'
;D