Jokes

[T Dog]

It was professor smith's first day at St. Johns medical college as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.

To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy".

He gazed across the classroom, spotted a female student Suzie, and said, "Tell me Suzie, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?"

Hearing this question, Suzie's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question".

Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor smith rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query.

This time he located a male student Henry, who had already raised his hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead.

Henry answered: "pupil of a human eye".

The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned back to Suzie and said: "look, Suzie, I am sorry but, I must tell you a couple of things:
(1) You lack knowledge
(2) you have a dirty mind and
(3) Your Expectations are too high !!!!!!!(10 times....... ...huh... ...MY GOD!!)  ::)

[T Dog]

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest! You'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant snorting coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest! You'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think of what you are doing to your body! Come running with us through the sunny forest! You will feel so good!" The lion puts down his needle, picks up the rabbit and starts beating him.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror they say, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion says, "He always makes me run around the forest for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"

8)

[T Dog]

"Morning, KB. Er ... KB, you're wearing a glove on one hand and none on the other. Did you know?"

"Yes, well Dawg, I heard the weather forecast this morning, you see."

"The Weather forecast?"

"Yes, the weather forecast. the forecaster said on the one hand it might be fine but on the other hand there might be some rain."
;D

[T Dog]

A very rich man gave birth to a son. On the son's sixteenth birthday, The man asked him what he wanted, and said that he would get anything his heart could desire. The son only asked for a pink ping pong ball. His father was curious, but complied. After they had cake and ice cream and the son opened his presents, he went up to his room with the pink ping pong ball. The ball was never seen again.

The next year, on the son's seventeenth birthday, the man asked him what he wanted, and said that, since he was starting college early, he could have anything he wanted. The son only asked for a crate of pink ping pong balls. His father was confused, but he got a crate. After they had cake and ice cream and the son opened his presents, he went up to his room with the crate pink ping pong balls. neither the crate nor the balls were ever seen again.

The next year, on the son's eighteenth birthday, the man asked him what he wanted, and said that, since eighteen is a big milestone, he could have anything he wanted. The son asked for a truck full of pink ping pong balls. The father couldn't hold it any longer. he asked "what do you want with these pink ping pong balls?" The son only asked that he trust him a little longer. the father valued his sons privacy, so he did not pry, and bought his son a truck full of pink ping pong balls. After the sons extravagant eighteenth birthday party, he went out to the truck alone. The next morning, the pink ping pong balls were nowhere to be found.

The next year, on the son's nineteenth birthday, The man asked If the son still wanted pink ping pong balls. The son said that he would like a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls. The father had predicted as much, and was very rich, so he had their chauffeur drive the son downtown to a warehouse purchased for this express purpose. When the son got there, he asked that the chauffeur leave him there overnight. The chauffeur, not one to disagree with his superior, left him. The next morning, when the chauffeur went to retrieve the son, the entire warehouse was empty. There were no pink ping pong balls to be found.

The next year, just before his twentieth birthday, the son got in a car crash. When he was recovering in the hospital, the father went to visit him on his birthday. He asked, "Son, is there anything I can do to ease your pain? What shall I get you for your birthday?" The son only asked for a single pink ping pong ball. The father said, "You will have that, only tell me what you do with all these pink ping pong balls." The son said he would explain once he had the pink ping pong ball. The father went down to the corner store and bought a single pink ping pong ball. When he returned to the room, the son was having lunch. He sat down next his son and gave him the pink ping pong ball, "Now, please, tell me what you do with them." The son spoke, slowly and with a stutter inflicted by the car crash "I wanted all those pink ping pong balls because I..." He died midsentence.
:o

[SydneyRox]

Tdog I am very angry at you right now.......

[GoLions]

god flowering dammit tdog

[PowerBug]

oh flower you Tdog. :P

[Bill Manspeaker]

lmao the jokes on us. good show Dawg  ;D

[T Dog]

Always nice to be noticed.... 8)

[T Dog]

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."

The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."

The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this scotch and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and drinks about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police... I'll let them decide who's fault it is."
8)

[T Dog]

god flowering dammit tdog

oh flower you Tdog. :P

lmao the jokes on us. good show Dawg  ;D

Tdog I am very angry at you right now.......

look what i found... ;D

There once was a 5 year-old boy. His name was Little Timmy. At his age it is time for him to attend kindergarten school. But young Timmy didn't want to go to school, and refused to his mother. In reply, little Timmy's mom said, "I'll tell you what. If you get straight A's in your classes each marking period, I will give you whatever you want.

Little Timmy, loving his bargain, went straight to school that morning.

That marking period, Little Timmy's mother checked his grades. To her enjoyment, she found he had gotten all A's. She then said to Little Timmy, "What do you want as your gift?"
Now, Little Timmy thought a moment.

He then said to his mother, "I want a Ping Pong ball."

Puzzled, Little Timmy's mother agreed, and bought him a Ping Pong ball.
The next marking period, Little Timmy had gotten A's again. His mother asked him again, "What do you want as your gift?"
Now, Little Timmy thought a moment.

He then said to his mother, "I want 2 Ping Pong balls."

Puzzled still, Little Timmy's mother agreed, and bought him 2 Ping Pong balls.
Throughout his time in Kindergarten, he requested more and more Ping Pong balls. On his final marking period, he had gotten straight A's once more. This time, Little Timmy wanted just 1 Ping Pong ball, painted red.

Little Timmy's Mother went out and boguht him a red Ping Pong ball. Finally, she asked Little Timmy, "Why do you ask for so many Ping Pong balls?"
Now, little Timmy thought a moment.

He then said to his mother, "Give me until the end of Elementary school, and I will tell you."
Hesitantly, his mother agreed. Throughout the course of the years of Elementary, he asked for a variety of colored ping pong balls. Some red, some yellow, some blue, some even black. On his final marking period of 4th grade, Little Timmy wanted 10 Ping Pong balls. 1 red, 2 green, 3 brown, and 4 grey.
After giving him his gift, she then asked Little Timmy, "Why have you been asking for Ping Pong balls?"
Now, Little Timmy thought a moment.
He then said, "Give me until the end of Middle School, and I will tell you."
With a long sigh, she agreed.

Throughout those years he excelled through his grades. He asked for big Ping Pong balls, small Ping Pong balls, but never regular shaped.
Finally, his graduation to High School began. He asked for 50 white Ping Pong balls.
After getting his balls, she asked him, "Why have always asked for Ping Pong balls?"
Now, Little Timmy thought a moment.
He then said, "Give me until the end of High School, and I will tell you."
Resentfully, she agreed.
Years passed from then. Little Timmy asked for many different balls. Big blue ones, small brown ones, yellow broken ones, and white tiny ones.
Little Timmy had now graduated from High School. He was given a scholorship to Harvard University. This time, he asked for just one Ping Pong ball.
His mother got him the ball he wanted, and asked, "Why have you asked for Ping Pong balls all these years?!"
Now, Little Timmy thought a moment.
He then said to his mother, "I will tell you. But let me tell my girl friend first.

Happily, his mother Agreed.


Little Timmy began crossing the street to his girl friend's house. Out of nowhere a truck ran him over, killing him.

THE END
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[GoLions]

Wanna here another joke TDog? Here it is;

Why did Tdog get punched in the face? Because he was pissing me off.

[nrich102]

Hahahahaha love it tdog.

[SydneyRox]

not amused any more...

[T Dog]

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished."

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each otherseveral times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward,grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded.When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."

The trainer exclaimed, "Oh, so that's what finished him off?!!"

"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls."
:o :o :o