Jokes

[T Dog]

The Kiss
Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other.
One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen yrs. old--who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a very mature looking man in his mid-forties who was a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.

As these four strangers travelled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin.

In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts. The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in this permissive day and age there are still young women who have a little self-respect and dignity?"

The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?"

The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to sneak a kiss in the dark.

And the private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a crazy and mixed up world this is when a private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and get away with it!"

::)

[T Dog]

Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.... ::)

[T Dog]

How did Ebenezer Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of christmas passed

What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear!

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener!

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!

Does anyone need an ark?
I Noah guy.
;D

[T Dog]

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, "What's this about?"

The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?"

The guy replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
8)

[T Dog]

Do not send this on to at least five friends in the next 10 minutes. You will suffer no unforeseen consequences, you will not find the solution to world peace, nor will you inherit an obscene amount of cash. 8)

[T Dog]

A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, "I won a motor home! I won a motor home!"
The waitress runs over and argues, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stereo system!"
The blonde replies, "No. I won a motor home!"
By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as one of our prizes."
Again the blonde says, "There is no mistake! I won a motor home!"

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."
;D ;D...think about it.. ;D ;D

[timmyparso]

Here's a good joke, the flowering AFL Fantasy website not working for 2 flowering days!!! Useless cows!!!

flowering joke!!!!

[T Dog]

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license!  They'll throw both of us in jail. All kinds of bad things will happen!  Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different.  You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'
8)

[T Dog]

"Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."

8)

[T Dog]

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.   ;D

[truBLUE]

Just a simple blonde joke

A redhead told her blonde friend... "last night, I slept with a Brazilian!"... The blonde replied..."you Mole! How many is a brazilian?" ;D

[T Dog]

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the gum tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the gum tree.
The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?
::)

[T Dog]

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, ..When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. :'(

[T Dog]

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
I'll have the rump steak, rare, please.
He said, Aren't you worried about the mad cow?
Nah, she can order for herself I replied.
And that's when the fight started.
:-X

[T Dog]

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.