Jokes

[T Dog]

You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chased by a lion.
What do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the merry go round.
8)

[T Dog]

A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them. The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones. A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor. Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
8)

[nrich102]

A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them. The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones. A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor. Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
8)

Think you've posted that one before.

[Bill Manspeaker]

South Africa are batting first in the 2nd ODI against India. Quinton de Kock and Hashim Amla will be coming out to bat which would make Neil Patrick Harris happy as he loves De Kock.

he'll love him even more after that century. De Kock really stood up

[T Dog]

Two old men, Grazz and Dudge, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Grazz turns to Dudge and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Dudge thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Grazz passes on. Soon afterward, Dudge sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Dudge... Dudge... ." Dudge responds, "Grazz! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Dudge," whispers Grazz's ghost. Dudge, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Grazz, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Dudge. Grazz says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Dudge says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Grazz sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

8)

[Ringo]

Two old men, Grazz and Dudge, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Grazz turns to Dudge and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Dudge thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Grazz passes on. Soon afterward, Dudge sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Dudge... Dudge... ." Dudge responds, "Grazz! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Dudge," whispers Grazz's ghost. Dudge, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Grazz, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Dudge. Grazz says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Dudge says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Grazz sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

8)

An oldie but a goodie Tdog.  You can adapt it for any sport. When I first heard it was golf with a tee off time.

[nrich102]

Two old men, Grazz and Dudge, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Grazz turns to Dudge and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Dudge thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Grazz passes on. Soon afterward, Dudge sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Dudge... Dudge... ." Dudge responds, "Grazz! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Dudge," whispers Grazz's ghost. Dudge, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Grazz, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Dudge. Grazz says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Dudge says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Grazz sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

8)

An oldie but a goodie Tdog.  You can adapt it for any sport. When I first heard it was golf with a tee off time.

Haha, that's a good one Tdog

[T Dog]

Life may not be worth living, but what else can you do with it?
:o

[T Dog]

Ikea have brought out a Manchester United lamp...... It looks great in the middle of the table....
:o

[T Dog]

Do Dolphins ever do anything by accident?

Nah they do everything on porpoise !  8)

[T Dog]

Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.... :o

[CrowsFan]

"The problem with internet quotes is that you can never be sure of their authenticity"

Abraham Lincoln

[My Chumps]

"The problem with internet quotes is that you can never be sure of their authenticity"

Abraham Lincoln

[tor01doc]

Young T Dog finally gets a girl to agree to go out with him. And wouldn't you know it, she has a father with a fearsome reputation.

Her name is Regina ( yes folks it rhymes with Vagina! )

He arranges to pick her up and Regina warns him not to honk the car horn as her father hates it and won't let her date such a bogan.

He drives to her house - all the way worrying he'll get her name wrong and incur her father's wrath.

He starts saying a mantra to himself, 'Like a woman's bit but with an R - like a woman's bit but with an R...'

He pulls up and gets out of the car. He slowly approaches the front door and just as he is about to knock, it suddenly swings open.

Her father, 6ft 4 and looking mean, stands there towering over poor T Dog. How nervous is he!!

'What do you want?' demands the father.

Clever T Dog remembers his mantra.

'I've come to pick up Crunt!'

[T Dog]

Thank you thank you...I work well under pressure.... ;D