Jokes

[T Dog]

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!

[T Dog]

A priest was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the mass," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the mass, the priest paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played, "Advance Australia Fair."

[timmyparso]

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'

Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma,it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mum wants to talk to you.'

[timmyparso]

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said,

"Honey, that's a bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have the biggest penis of all your friends."

[T Dog]

As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "T Dog, you are a veterinarian."
:o

[T Dog]

Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking doges!
8)

[T Dog]

Mrs Dog sent me an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
So I send an answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later I receive answer from Mrs Dog: "The computer is completely flowered now".
;D

[CrowsFan]

This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club. But I'm pretty sure I haven't met herbivore.

[Vinny]

Richmond.




#preseasonbanter

[T Dog]

My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
8)

[T Dog]

I married my wife for her money.
And believe me, I have earned it.
:o

[T Dog]

Movember is causing me grief....I just hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...
:-\

[timmyparso]

Pre-season Draft..........

[GoLions]

Sex is a lot like the ocean.

I'm drowning in it.

[LF]

http://dontpkethebear.com/25-funny-auto-correct-fails/