Jokes

[nrich102]

Stop the boats ;D God joke Ringo.

[upthemaidens]

         Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.  She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
   
   She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"
     
     "Don't be silly" ,says Paddy "You must have a vase somewhere!"

   

[T Dog]

Why did captain Kirk pee on the ceiling? ◦
Because he wanted to go where no man has gone before.
;D

[Grazz]

How do you confuse naste ?
Place 3 shovels on the ground and tell him to take his pick.

[T Dog]

There's this old butler, right? And he's retired, and lives on a farm with his two reindeer. One day he hears a knock at the door, and he opens it to see two beavers. The beavers say to him "Hi. Our house got knocked down in a flash flood, and we're looking for some money to rebuild it. Would you like to make a donation?" The butler just shakes his head, and goes to turn away. The beavers yell "Hey!" and throw a glass of water at him, slamming the door in his face. He goes to his reindeer. The first one, named Lee, says "Why don't you just give them some money?" His second deer, Frank, asks him the same question. "Why not give them a little money to rebuild?"
The wet butler says "Frank, Lee, my deers, I don't give a dam."  8)

[T Dog]

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?" 8)

[T Dog]

A blind man and his equally blind wife decide to go for a walk. It's a pretty cold day, and the weather forecast predicts some kind of precipitation, but the temperature will determine whether it's rain or snow. Sure enough, while the man and his wife are walking, it starts... precipitating. But neither of them is sure what.
"I think it's raining," said the man's wife.
"I think it's snowing," said the man. "It's too cold to rain."
They bicker about this until they hear someone hail them: "Hello!" The man turns to his wife and says, "Oh! It's Olph the Communist! He'll know which it is."
The man calls out: "Comrade Olph! Is it raining or snowing?"
"Raining, you idiots!" Olph calls back, unpleasently.
"See, I told you," the blind woman said.
Grumpily, the man replied, "I still think it's too cold. It must be snowing."
At that, the woman shook her head, and said...
"Rude Olph the Red knows rain, dear."  8)

[nrich102]

A guy walks into a bar with a steering-wheel in his pants, and the bartender says, gee, that looks uncomfortable, and the guy says yeah, its driving me nuts!  ;D

[T Dog]

Mr.Anderson walked into the bar, or did he?  8)

[T Dog]

At the zoo, a group of porpoises were telling the visiting kids to do all kinds of bad things. After a talk with the zookeeper, they promised to be nice if he would bring them mynah birds. The zookeeper agreed, so he walked past a sleeping lion to get some mynahs. On the way back, he was stopped by a police officer who said, "You are under arrest for carrying mynahs across a sedate lion for immoral porpoises."  ::)

[nrich102]

A blond walks into a bar. Ouch!

[T Dog]

Shakespeare walked into a pub. The bartender said, "You can't come in here. You're Bard!"  8)

[Cambo]

How do you get a Nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an alter boy....

[T Dog]

Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from jail? ◦ That's right. There's a small medium at large. :)

[T Dog]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 8)