Jokes

[benjy251090]

Here is a place to put some of your favourite jokes, i will start:

what is better than eating a mandarin?

[CrowsFan]

Eating amanda-out?

[benjy251090]

haha, yep, first time i heard that i was so drunk, i almost died laughing

[CrowsFan]

Haha i'm not surprised. Even better if you know someone called amanda  ;)

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whoes job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day a letter came addressed, in a shaky hand,to God with no actual address. he thought he should open it and see what it was about.The letter read.
Dear God.
I am an 83 year old widow,living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it,Which was all the money i had till next pension day.Next sunday is chrstmas, and I had invited my friends over for dinner.Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, you are my only hope. Can you help me please?
Sincerly Edna.
The postal worker was touched . He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into their pockets and he collected £96 which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days latter another letter arrived from the same old lady addressed to God. All the workers gathered round while the letter was opened.
Dear God,
How can I thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a lovely day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way there was £4 missing. I think it was these idiots at the post office.
Sincerly Edna.

[benjy251090]

my cousin is amanda (AWKWARD) :P

haha, NICE!!! those types of jokes are funny

are you a fan of dead-baby jokes?

[HillHero13]

this one is classic... most of you would have heard it..


A guy's boat sunk in the middle of the ocean and was left for dead, he prayed to god to help him save him..

a boat came along and the captain said, would you like to come?

he replied with no thanks god will save me..

another boat came and said would you like to come??

he again replied no thanks god will save me

and then another boat came along and again asked would you like to come?

he again replied with no thanks god will save me..

he eventually died and when he went to heaven he asked god why didn't you save me..

god said i tried 3 times!

[benjy251090]

haha, heard it, still a classic

welcome back hilly, how was your trip?

[CrowsFan]

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

[benjy251090]

her legs?

[CrowsFan]

Close. Her ankles

[benjy251090]

knew it was something like that

what is funner than throwing a baby off a cliff?

[CrowsFan]

throwing 2 babies off a cliff?

[benjy251090]

no, running down and catching it with a pitchfork :P

[HillHero13]

haha thanks benjy trip was great..


What do you do when i blonde throws a pin at you??

[benjy251090]

run!