Melbourne 2016 pre-season

[nrich102]

I thought the same with Polec tbh. Heck, Sammy Michael averaged more DT points them him in the NEAFL.

[Holz]

JT will never play a game for port, unless it's round 23 and he gets a pity game.

I don't recall spud getting more than 16 disposals in the second half of the year at vfl level, and can't break into the Melbourne side! How will he get into ports? I just don't see it happening. If he signed a 1 year deal, then he'll follow cale and gysberts as ex Melbourne high draft picks to last one year before getting delisted.

He just doesn't have what it takes to be a good afl player.

Surely you pick him ahead of wines though

[Bill Manspeaker]

JT will never play a game for port, unless it's round 23 and he gets a pity game.

I don't recall spud getting more than 16 disposals in the second half of the year at vfl level, and can't break into the Melbourne side! How will he get into ports? I just don't see it happening. If he signed a 1 year deal, then he'll follow cale and gysberts as ex Melbourne high draft picks to last one year before getting delisted.

He just doesn't have what it takes to be a good afl player.

Surely you pick him ahead of wines though

yeah but shower, captain hindsight and all. he was highly touted. it wasn't a bad pick, it was an unlucky pick

[Ziplock]

JT will never play a game for port, unless it's round 23 and he gets a pity game.

I don't recall spud getting more than 16 disposals in the second half of the year at vfl level, and can't break into the Melbourne side! How will he get into ports? I just don't see it happening. If he signed a 1 year deal, then he'll follow cale and gysberts as ex Melbourne high draft picks to last one year before getting delisted.

He just doesn't have what it takes to be a good afl player.

Surely you pick him ahead of wines though

yeah but shower, captain hindsight and all. he was highly touted. it wasn't a bad pick, it was an unlucky pick

I dunno, I always thought he was a touch overrated. I don't think I would have picked him in my top 5 that year.

captain hindsight and all. Port cant make him any worse- worth the punt.

[quinny88]

JT will never play a game for port, unless it's round 23 and he gets a pity game.

I don't recall spud getting more than 16 disposals in the second half of the year at vfl level, and can't break into the Melbourne side! How will he get into ports? I just don't see it happening. If he signed a 1 year deal, then he'll follow cale and gysberts as ex Melbourne high draft picks to last one year before getting delisted.

He just doesn't have what it takes to be a good afl player.

Surely you pick him ahead of wines though

yeah but shower, captain hindsight and all. he was highly touted. it wasn't a bad pick, it was an unlucky pick

I don't think after like 6 years of picking the wrong player you can put it down to bad luck any more. They seem to have it sorted the past couple of years at least.. although picking Oliver ahead of Parish could be another one that bites them in the ass

[Ziplock]

JT will never play a game for port, unless it's round 23 and he gets a pity game.

I don't recall spud getting more than 16 disposals in the second half of the year at vfl level, and can't break into the Melbourne side! How will he get into ports? I just don't see it happening. If he signed a 1 year deal, then he'll follow cale and gysberts as ex Melbourne high draft picks to last one year before getting delisted.

He just doesn't have what it takes to be a good afl player.

Surely you pick him ahead of wines though

yeah but shower, captain hindsight and all. he was highly touted. it wasn't a bad pick, it was an unlucky pick

I don't think after like 6 years of picking the wrong player you can put it down to bad luck any more. They seem to have it sorted the past couple of years at least.. although picking Oliver ahead of Parish could be another one that bites them in the ass

I would put that more down to player development rather than the player's being shower themselves.

[quinny88]

JT will never play a game for port, unless it's round 23 and he gets a pity game.

I don't recall spud getting more than 16 disposals in the second half of the year at vfl level, and can't break into the Melbourne side! How will he get into ports? I just don't see it happening. If he signed a 1 year deal, then he'll follow cale and gysberts as ex Melbourne high draft picks to last one year before getting delisted.

He just doesn't have what it takes to be a good afl player.

Surely you pick him ahead of wines though

yeah but shower, captain hindsight and all. he was highly touted. it wasn't a bad pick, it was an unlucky pick

I don't think after like 6 years of picking the wrong player you can put it down to bad luck any more. They seem to have it sorted the past couple of years at least.. although picking Oliver ahead of Parish could be another one that bites them in the ass

I would put that more down to player development rather than the player's being shower themselves.

Yeah that didn't help

[Holz]

JT will never play a game for port, unless it's round 23 and he gets a pity game.

I don't recall spud getting more than 16 disposals in the second half of the year at vfl level, and can't break into the Melbourne side! How will he get into ports? I just don't see it happening. If he signed a 1 year deal, then he'll follow cale and gysberts as ex Melbourne high draft picks to last one year before getting delisted.

He just doesn't have what it takes to be a good afl player.

Surely you pick him ahead of wines though

yeah but shower, captain hindsight and all. he was highly touted. it wasn't a bad pick, it was an unlucky pick

everyone called it the moment he was drafted.

[Big Mac]

Keep forgetting that Lumumba plays for us

Would need to have a much better year this year right? Otherwise I can see him losing his spot in the 22

[Barra13]

I went to training yesterday so I figure I should attempt a kind of write up tasmanlvr-style. It won't be as good because I have a terrible attention span and generally struggle to work out exactly what anyone is doing, so I'm a poor substitute. However, in an attempt to be the wind beneath the tasman's wings I brought along a bloke who is a genuine ancient demon - B&F under 17s MFC winner from 1969 or thereabouts, in the hope he could translate from time to time.

So it's 10 to 2, and there are a big flock of Dee's warming up, stretching, leg swinging and so forth down the south end of Gosch's paddock. As usual, there is also a smaller group up the other end under Crossey's watch doing other stuff. I assume they are separated for injury, rehab and recovery or whatever other reason you would peel a group away from the main. As reported from last write up, Angus Brayshaw makes up part of this small group, no idea why, as does Watts, Trenners, Spencil, Jones, Frost, Dawes, Vince and perhaps Garlett though I didn't clock him until later. Note I'm not 100 percent certain what is the deal with this group as some go on to join the larger groups for various of the non contact drills.

So some of these guys are doing sprints in lanes set up with colour cones, and Watts is focussing on getting his shoelaces right. I have noticed this before at training or family days; for a guy you often feel a bit sorry for, Watts surprisingly comes over as a bit of a showman. Lots of glancing around at the watching throng, smiles and G'days and generally making a performance of things. No problem - good for him. Go forth and sell memberships to undeserving school kids, my Red and Blue friend.

As happens at most training, N Jones already running the outer of the oval like a scarey-fit tattooed transformer setting a punishing pace. Each time he whips past, not blowing or even particularly sweating, I get awkward and try to suck my tummy in and become distracted by "must force myself to gym again" thoughts. As he he passes (and each time afterwards) show off Watts is yelling some "go for it, Chunk" man stuff and quickly glancing to see if he has grabbed the audience. Soon the circling tattooed one is reined in by a trainer, only this time to be set off again at blistering tempo, accompanied by a loose pelaton of Vince and his finger cast and a strangely uncoordinated looking, curly-bearded long loping thing which turns into Spencil up close, and back into a lumbering giant wolfhound as it passes then disappears into the distance. At two laps, the loose pelaton is significantly looser already with Vince and Spence out of contention. At five it has disintegrated altogether with the bald blue machine a distant speck, a lumbering gasping Spencil and eventually a trotting Vince with a suspiciously distinct beer light in his eye.

Oddly, I notice the Prince appear on the dot of 2, but don't notice him again anywhere during the next few hours. I'm not certain what this is about but assume he swung by briefly for spiritual inspiration for the team before dematerialising somehow. Roos is talking to the short sprint guys, later to disappear too in the Heretier wormhole hidden on Gosch's Paddock. Crossey has taken Dawes and Frost for a few rounds of this weird thing where they pass the ball around torso in super quick circles making a machine gun sound as the footy is whipped from hand to hand. After a few minutes, they go into a right-leg squat and circle the footy around the forward leg, then same on the left leg. I'm not certain what any of it means, except to regret this not being a traditional part of the game because Dawes is killing it and has finally found his true, though largely unapplicable talent. I consult with ancient Demon, who narrows his eyes and barks something about core strength and dexterity as an explanation of the strange scene (though I'm dead certain this was a wild guess on his part).

Wandering over to the main group, they have split into two halves so I go stand near the Hogan half with the gaggle of supporters ringing the oval in a sort of unofficial beer belly contest. Group A (Jesse group) are still in gentle drills, and the group have formed two long lines kicking to one another. Mostly very neat work, which bodes well for finals so long as unchallenged, stationary kicking becomes the next big thing in AFL after the Weagles web. All nice gentle pre-Christmas stuff, after the break being when shower traditionally gets real.

The baby first round picks make up one kicking pair. The Red beast is a big lad but not in any way overweight as compared to some of the photos from earlier in 2015. Like the Weed, and all baby draftees (CP5 excepted) they still have the squooshy look of boys rather than the marble definition of a tackling Viney. Some AFL pre seasons will no doubt change this.

While I am warming to the squooshy newcomers, I'm actually watching another kicking duo of Petracca and vandenBurg, a sight to behold. Squooshy not in play - these guys have arms that look like aerial vision of volkswagons manoeuvring in a parking lot. A single Petracca rock hard thigh would rival for girth the best of the beer bellies on the perimeter. All accompanied by the "doof" (pause) "thunk" sound of AFL which is to my mind the loveliest noise in the world.

Happy to see Jones part of group B, where he stayed for the day. Not far from regular training methinks, and not a sign of recent surgery. Watts is on laps, I'm starting to wonder if it's a jankers day for him. After spending the effort on performance art lacing of footy boots, he's shed them again for trainers and doing laps followed by a stopwatched trainer making him belt a 400m sprint, then a slower run, then sprint, then slow, for a cripplingly long time. He is still performing to the crowd, yelling "what a ******* day" in passing and later spends a good period shirt off dousing himself with fluid, whinnying like a thoroughbred and generally hamming things up for a throng of older ladies who want to mother him. Having said that, he looks pretty fit - always looks skinnier on telly somehow - so I feel sure he is just the type of player who has his breakout season after about 6 AFL pre-seasons.

Good news story: Trengove is on a similar running routine and to me looks in magically improved shape even from the month previous. Some serious gym work being done it would appear, and best of all he has that look of running on top of the ground, on toes, full of bounce and impressive speed. The determination is visible and if anyone can have a post injury Renaissance then it's guys with his type of discipline. Go Trenners!

One thing troubles me, casting a shadow on the bright day. What exactly is going on with that big bandage around the Jesse-God's knee?

Okay, so I'm shagged out writing this, but will post the second instalment of this thrilling saga after a short intermission.

Okay, so leaving off with the season and indeed the future in balance what with Jesse Hogan sporting a bandage on the knee, I'm happy to report that other than the bandage, there doesn't seem an issue. He was part of the main group the whole time with nothing restricting movement. In my wisdom (made up stuff in my head) I conclude that it is preventative and not a reasonable cause to swig at the draino. I consult with the Ancient Demon; once he has rescued his terrible crocodile Dundee hat for the fourth time in the wind which has now descended on Gosch's Paddock. He says "Chris Judd played his first season in shoulder strapping", which is well and good - but even I know this, so it defeats the purpose of bringing a genuine piece of Demon history to training. I turn to seek further information but the hat has gone again along with the pursuing Ancient Demon. In the distance both are closing in on the Melbourne Storm on an adjacent oval, with irate Storm staff getting a bit too involved, so I steel myself for the necessity of forming my own conclusions.

Here it gets confusing. The group spend some time on this weird drill, two at a time, the rest queueing for their turn. Some cones mark out a square, maybe 5 metres per side, with one in the centre. Two Demons from each side of the square have to sprint like nuts to a far cone, but use balanced little steps to stop on it, madly dash back to the first cone, and then run diagonally to the middle. It takes a few minutes to even sus out this much - the team don't seem familiar with the work so sod it up and get further instalments of no doubt essential match-day instruction for the half-time square dance which is an established AFL tradition. Strangely, a fair few trainers vaguely resemble Dean Bailey from my position on the boundary. If I had to guess - and I do - the weird drill seems to be about speed, balance and poise. The guy who reaches the middle first has the upper hand and then gets to leap about making ooga booga noises to disrupt the line of the slower guy. I think. In a tight space and all. Whatever was the goal, Viney and CP5 trump this one being quick, balanced and hard.

The Petracca monster is a bit of a card - while he hasn't played yet he's been there long enough to feel comfortable so lets loose with some random shouts, in jokes and high-fives. Good to see that he and others give a big cheer to the new guys each time they complete a task. Mind you, a couple of St Kilda-type-schoolgirls have shown up to watch now, and suddenly the group animation is less of a mystery. Also, the Ancient Demon has made his grumbling way back, so I expect the boys just admire his hat.

Harmes is in it too, but I'm distracted by noticing the gangrenous mould of his terrible forearm tats has now crept up his whole arm. It's going to be a strange but joyous moment once he finally achieves a Dane Swan art type of body but pairs it with his golden floppy locks and Emma Thompson's teeth. I think this reluctantly mind, since he's a new favourite of mine so is definitely a clear lock for a Brownlow shortly.

All this time the rehab/recovery gang are pounding the rounds. Trenners and Watts (in his case, through apparent force) had the sprint torture going, but Vince and the Spencil also pound past at regular intervals. Garlett too swings past from time to time. I saw him training a month back and for whatever reason seems to be on a separate training plan, running his soles off being the essential purpose to the outsider's view. The Ancient Demon, having been born before the world became nervous about talking about race, grunts in satisfaction. He launches into some tales about indigenous players he has known and their particular skills - the long and short of which I agree with. There is something different and special about the running motion of black athletes - long legged and smooth. I don't know whether it is a silly generalisation or a racist comment for which I should be booed, but some of our Aboriginal players have this effortless thing about their movement. Liam Jurrah is a fine example. And it is a particular property less common in their non-aboriginal teammates as a rule, so I'm always happy to see young aboriginal kids give AFL a go.

Also, the Ancient Demon is a small sized, lithe body type, so tends to have a soft spot for the kilogrammically challenged. He gives Jeffy a respectful nod, which goes entirely unnoticed by the training Demon, so Ancient is exceptionally well pleased. Good lad. Modest.

So now we play some "who isn't at training?", initiated by Ancient Demon who is due a new glasses prescription. Salem??? Where's bloody Salem? No, it's cool - he's over there. And we contemplate Salem for a bit. Where's that Tyson? He should be bloody here! It's okay, he's running with Brayshaw. So we look at Tyson and Brayshaw. There is a brief moment of apoplexy when Ancient spots Oliver, Weed, King and Hulett heading back to the tent. "Bloody soft" is the gist of it, until it is clearly established that they are charged with a spot of one-on-one boxing practice. Ancient Demon likes this - that's the way we face those bloody Hawthorn mongrels. I see no reason whatsoever to disagree.

In the meantime other things are afoot but must wait for another instalment because I'm a bit stuffed. In case I forget though, the shorts with the new logo have now been issued, which I'm sure is a load off the collective mind.

[Purple 77]

A little bit TL;DR, but lol'd at what some of what these guys had to say.

Always love to hear about Trenners progress

[kilbluff1985]

so Barra u got Trengove locked into your fantasy teams?

[Big Mac]

so Barra u got Trengove locked into your fantasy teams?

I know you asked barra, but no way

Would be an absolute fairytale for him to play round 1

[Barra13]

Not currently because I'm not sure if he would line up Round 1. But, I can tell you if he is named for Round 1, you could bet he would sneak in somewhere.

[Barra13]

In the following days the Demons are releasing a list overview of pre-season. I will report back when each trio is released.

ANGUS BRAYSHAW â€" No.10

Date of birth: 9/1/1996 (19 years old)
Height: 187cm, Weight: 88kg
AFL debut: 2015
AFL games: 21, AFL goals: 5
Position: Midfielder
Recruited: Hampton Rovers (VIC)/Sandringham Dragons (VIC)
Drafted: 2014 NAB AFL Draft (No.3)
Honours: NAB AFL Rising Star Nominee 2015 (fifth overall)

“Angus is in his second year and it’s a big thing for second year players to keep going with their training. He had a slight hiccup with his hip, just before Christmas. But the thing we’re really pushing with Angus, like all second year players, is to keep up their training habits. We think if they train really well and do things well, then they should have a good year. Angus has displayed good habits over the pre-season and is becoming a good role model, so we think he should have a good second year.” â€" Paul Roos

TOMAS BUGG â€" No.32

Date of birth: 5/4/1993 (22 years old)
Height: 184cm, Weight: 80kg
AFL debut: 2012, MFC debut: yet to debut
AFL games: 65 (GWS Giants 65, Melbourne 0), AFL goals: 16 (GWS Giants 16, Melbourne 0)
Position: Midfielder/defender
Recruited: Gembrook (Vic)/Caulfield Grammar (Vic)/Gippsland Power (Vic)/GWS Giants
Drafted: 2011 17-year-old access selection (GWS Giants); 2015 NAB AFL Draft traded by GWS Giants for No.7 (Jacob Hooper), Third round selection (not utilised), Fourth round selection (not utilised)
Honours: NAB AFL Rising Star nominee 2012

“Buggy knows what footy is all about. He’s entering his fifth AFL season, so he’s got an AFL body. He’s a very, very good runner and for Buggy, it’s about adapting to our game style. He’s a really good listener, so we expect him to make a good contribution to the footy club.” â€" Paul Roos

CHRIS DAWES â€" No.6

Date of birth: 16/05/1988 (27 years old)
Height: 193cm, Weight: 101kg
AFL debut: 2008, MFC debut: 2013
AFL games: 115 (Collingwood 71, Melbourne 44), AFL goals: 126 (Collingwood 83, Melbourne 43)
Position: Key forward
Recruited: Brighton Grammar (Vic)/Sandringham Dragons (Vic)/Collingwood
Drafted: 2006 NAB AFL Draft (No.28 â€" Collingwood); 2012 NAB AFL Draft traded by Collingwood for No.20 (Tim Broomhead) and No.47 (Mitch Wilkins)
Honours: Melbourne leading goalkicker 2014; Collingwood premiership side 2010; Collingwood pre-season premiership side 2011

“Dawesy started training really well, before he had a little bit of a hiccup with his calf. It’s just something we’ve got to manage with him, so hopefully we can get him as fit as we possibly can. When he’s fit, he’s a really important part of the team.” â€" Paul Roos