Welcome to the home of the Taiwan Dolphins
(http://i46.tinypic.com/11jt1zo.png)
Many thanks to c4v3m4n for the development and the production of team banners and playing strip.
Coaching Staff
Head Coach: Tor01doc
Captain: Gary Ablett
Stadium
Kerr- ching National Stadium - Capacity 120,000,000
(http://i47.tinypic.com/154aste.png)
Rivalries
Kathmandu Eskimos - KoopKicka
http://www.fanfooty.com.au/forum/index.php/topic,66207.0.html
Sponsorships
Mattel, Acer, Bank of Taiwan and Made in Taiwan
Yani Tseng - World Number 1 Golfer - brings a bit of sex appeal to Taiwan.
(http://www.lpga.com/~/media/7c92ece28a484a7a8c6a53a2253c85c1/13%2002%20tsengy%20161830397%20620x349.jpg?w=620&h=349)
The Team
DEF: J.Adcock, C.Enright, J.Brennan, N.Vlastuin
MID: G.Ablett, R.Sloane, D.Zaharakis , M.Rosa
RUC: M.Kreuzer
FWD: J.Porplyzia, J.Lewis, T.Varcoe, B.McGlynn
UTI: J.Corey, S.Savage
BENCH:
DEF: S.McMahon, K.Hardingham, J.Hunt, S.Wright
MID: K.Horsley, D.Jackson, C.Jones, J.Winderlich, Nathan Wright,
RUC: D.Jolly, T. Campbell
FWD: M.Stokes, A.Edwards, A.Davey, T.Dickson, C.Dell'Olio
UTIL: A.Toovey, Brett Ebert, N.Lower
The dross N.Hayes, L.Osborne, O.Stephenson, J.Osborn, A.Howson, J.Bourke, C.Richardson, J.Patful, J.Blake, C.Sutcliffe, C.Ellis-Yolmen and R.Lester
Home Strip
(http://i46.tinypic.com/10z7atu.png)
Away Strip
(http://i49.tinypic.com/2j1prhk.png)
Drafting
2012 INITIAL DRAFT
1. (4 Overall): Gary Ablett
2. (29): Rory Sloane
3. (36):Beau Waters Corey Enright
4. (61): David Zaharakis
5. (68): Matthew Kruezer
6. (93): Jed Adcock
7. (100): Jordan Lewis
8. (125): Nick Lower
9. (132): Jason Porplyzia
10. (157): Travis Varcoe
11. (169): Jared Brennan
12. (189): Daniel Merrett Tory Dickson
13. (196): Ben McGlynn
14. (221): Daniel Jackson
15. (228): Xavier Ellis Sam Wright
16. (253): Darren Jolly
17. (260): Clinton Jones
18. (285): Jason Winderlich
19. (291): Josh Drummond
20. (317): Kyal Horsley
21. (324): Ricky Dyson
22. (349): Matthew Stokes
23. (356): Scott McMahon
24. (381): Alwyn Davey
25. (388): Aaron Edwards
26. (452):Brett Ebert
27. (420) : Adam McPhee
28. (477): Kyle Hardingham
29. (548): Kirk Ugle
30. (573): Zepheniah Skinner
31. (484): A.Pattinson
Also
J Corey
J Hunt
A Toovey
C Dell'Olio
Ryan Lester
2012 NATIONAL DRAFT
1. N.Vlastuin
2. M Rosa
3. N Wright
4. T Campbell
2012 ROOKIE DRAFT
1. N Hayes
2. L Osborne
3. O Stephenson
4. J Osborn
5. A Howson
6. J Bourke
7. C Richardson
8. J Patful
9. J Blake
10. C Sutcliffe
11. A Carlile into S Savage
12. C Ellis-Yolmen
TRADES
Finally after 400 plus messages The Dolphins are pleased to announce that they have secured the services of young Bulldog TORY DICKSON.
He will be very glad to escape the oppressive Western Suburbs of Melbourne. He told us he is looking forward to the freedom offered in Taipei. He loves Asian food and had grown tired of the eateries in Footscray and let's just hope he doesn't go overboard when he arrives or he'll have to put in a mighty preseason to trim back down.
Regrettably the big old sauce from Brisbane had to be offered as trade bait and due to superior negotiating skills shown by koopkicka, a slight adjustment had to be made to draft pick orders. The drafting committee were concerned that with the likely move of KT to Brisbane, that Daniel would have fewer chances in front of goal and we all know that goals equal lots of points.
All good though and the future is looking pretty damn rosy here in Dolphinville.
ATTENTION!
A second trade has been formalised to further strengthen the already mighty squad available for selection in the league out East in Taipei.
The senior medical staff room breathed a huge sigh of relief, the accounting team rubbed their grubby little hands together with glee and the bandage washers (still a bit old fashioned here at Taipei General Hospital) were able to decrease their overtime with the news that The X Man Mr Xavier Ellis was leaving. Phew!
In his stead, young Sam Wright joins the club he followed as a child.
His elusive style of play will complement his other attacking team mates and we look forward to watching him thrive in the muggy conditions and in the deep pockets here at Kaohsiung Stadium.
Go Dolphins - li Chia pa be?
And for my next trick -
Welcome Matt Rosa - brave, fearless, skillful and very much needed to bolster midfield stocks.
Lost a good draft pick, but need to be competitive in 2013.
Cheers JB
Fixture
Round 1: Lambs - away
Round 2: Gazelles - home
Round 3: Eskimos - away
Round 4: Crabs - home
Round 5: Strikers - away
Round 6: Tigers - home
Round 7: Bears - away
Round 8: Dongs - away
Round 9: Headhunters - home
Round 10: Ales - away
Round 11: Llamas - home
Round 12: Crocodiles - away
Round 13: Folders - home
Round 14: Elepahnts - away
Round 15: Vipers - away
Round 16: Eskimos - bitter rivalry round
Round 17: Gazelles - home
Round 18: Llamas - home
Round 19: Elephants - home
Reserved for Joke of the Week.
Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?
A microwave stops when you open the door.
Club Song
Sung with gusto (as if the Chinese were watching) to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
Taiwan Dolphin's Little Star
Gary Ablett Junior-ah
Up Above Other Team So High
Like a Dolphin in the Sky
Taiwan Dolphin's Little Star
Gary Ablett Junior-ah.
(This can be repeated several thousands of times if the Chinese are watching).
New record for most reserved posts in a thread? :P
I have close to this in my teams...
Nice looking thread Doc
Quote from: tor01doc on September 27, 2012, 10:07:45 PM
Reserved for Joke of the Week.
Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?
A microwave stops when you open the door.
Week 2
At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left and a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'
He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'
Hahaha you don't know how funny that is! haha.
I look forward to contributing to this club'salready stirling reputation :)
lol good write up Doc.
both you guys were part of the Strikers at some point, so you're now my 2nd favourite club :D good luck to you both
Quote from: tor01doc on September 27, 2012, 10:03:17 PM
TRADES
Finally after 400 plus messages The Dolphins are pleased to announce that they have secured the services of young Bulldog TORY DICKSON.
He will be very glad to escape the oppressive Western Suburbs of Melbourne. He told us he is looking forward to the freedom offered in Taipei. He loves Asian food and had grown tired of the eateries in Footscray and let's just hope he doesn't go overboard when he arrives or he'll have to put in a mighty preseason to trim back down.
Regrettably the big old sauce from Brisbane had to be offered as trade bait and due to superior negotiating skills shown by koopkicka, a slight adjustment had to be made to draft pick orders. The drafting committee were concerned that with the likely move of KT to Brisbane, that Daniel would have fewer chances in front of goal and we all know that goals equal lots of points.
All good though and the future is looking pretty damn rosy here in Dolphinville.
ATTENTION!
A second trade has been formalised to further strengthen the already mighty squad available for selection in the league out East in Taipei.
The senior medical staff room breathed a huge sigh of relief, the accounting team rubbed their grubby little hands together with glee and the bandage washers (still a bit old fashioned here at Taipei General Hospital) were able to decrease their overtime with the news that The X Man Mr Xavier Ellis was leaving. Phew!
In his stead, young Sam Wright joins the club he followed as a child.
His elusive style of play will complement his other attacking team mates and we look forward to watching him thrive in the muggy conditions and in the deep pockets here at Kaohsiung Stadium.
Go Dolphins - li Chia pa be?
Quote from: tor01doc on October 02, 2012, 12:15:56 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on September 27, 2012, 10:07:45 PM
Reserved for Joke of the Week.
Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?
A microwave stops when you open the door.
Week 2
At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'
He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'
Week 3
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,
"How have things been going?"
The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,
"I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d."
The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."
The answer comes, " Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a
d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e
t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I
w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.
"W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I
w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d
I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e
a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d, s..h..e c..o u l d
d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y
f..a..c..e.."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first
friend.
" W..e..l..l, I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e
w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s"
'AXV - Taiwan Dolphins - where babies smoke!'
Hahahaha
Why are you applying for another job when you have got a bunch of spuds here that need to be taken care of ::)
Insomniahhhhhh
Trade complete.
Farewell Waters - Medical staff breathe a massive sigh of relief.
Hello N Right - Mr Reliable
And an upgrade of draft picks.
Reasoning - need to plan a bit further ahead as I feel previous recruiting team left squad a bit vulnerable beyond 2014.
Thank you to Adam Ant for his fine witty banter.
Quote from: tor01doc on October 09, 2012, 10:52:24 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 02, 2012, 12:15:56 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on September 27, 2012, 10:07:45 PM
Reserved for Joke of the Week.
Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?
A microwave stops when you open the door.
Week 2
At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'
He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'
Week 3
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,
"How have things been going?"
The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,
"I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d."
The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."
The answer comes, " Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a
d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e
t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I
w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.
"W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I
w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d
I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e
a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d, s..h..e c..o u l d
d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y
f..a..c..e.."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first
friend.
" W..e..l..l, I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e
w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s"
This week...
>>It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only to accept people
>>whoever had a really bad day on the day they had died. On the first
>>morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the
>>pearly gates and said the first man in line, "Tell me about the day
>>you died." The man said, "Oh it was awful. I was sure my wife was
>>having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her
>>in the act. I searched all over the apartment and couldn't find him
>>anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we lived on the 25th
>>floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. So
>>I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands.
>>He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived. So I went
>>inside
>> got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it
>>crushed him
>> The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, so I died."
>>St Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was
>>a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven.
>>He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir,
>>it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor
>>apartment, when I slipped over the edge.
>>I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me but then
>>some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of
>>course,but I landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came
>>out and dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets
>>him into heaven and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job.
>>"Tell me about the day you died, " he said to the third man.
>>"Okay, picture this.
>>
>>
>>
>>I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator ..."
A quick one before I retire.
A mother is concerned that her 16 year old daughter is having sex! :o
She goes to the doctor 8) and asks what to do ???
The doctor 8) says that teenagers are headstrong and know everything so you can't stop them.
The doctor 8) tells the mum to talk to her daughter and prescribes the pill and in the meantime condoms etc.
Poor old mum sits her daughter down and talks about safe sex, pregnancy, condoms and the pill :-[
The daughter very kindly hugs her mum and says don't worry about all that mum. it's fine.
I'm dating Susan!
Quote from: tor01doc on October 14, 2012, 11:53:57 PM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 09, 2012, 10:52:24 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 02, 2012, 12:15:56 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on September 27, 2012, 10:07:45 PM
Reserved for Joke of the Week.
Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?
A microwave stops when you open the door.
Week 2
At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'
He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'
Week 3
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,
"How have things been going?"
The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,
"I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d."
The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."
The answer comes, " Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a
d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e
t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I
w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.
"W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I
w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d
I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e
a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d, s..h..e c..o u l d
d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y
f..a..c..e.."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first
friend.
" W..e..l..l, I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e
w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s"
This week...
>>It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only to accept people
>>whoever had a really bad day on the day they had died. On the first
>>morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the
>>pearly gates and said the first man in line, "Tell me about the day
>>you died." The man said, "Oh it was awful. I was sure my wife was
>>having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her
>>in the act. I searched all over the apartment and couldn't find him
>>anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we lived on the 25th
>>floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. So
>>I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands.
>>He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived. So I went
>>inside
>> got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it
>>crushed him
>> The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, so I died."
>>St Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was
>>a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven.
>>He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir,
>>it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor
>>apartment, when I slipped over the edge.
>>I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me but then
>>some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of
>>course,but I landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came
>>out and dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets
>>him into heaven and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job.
>>"Tell me about the day you died, " he said to the third man.
>>"Okay, picture this.
>>
>>
>>
>>I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator ..."
So another...
The Old Cowboy
Ya think you have lived to be 85 and know what you are...then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens!
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'
HAHAHA ;D
Quote from: tor01doc on September 27, 2012, 10:06:17 PM
Celebrity fans
World's best golfer (of the female persuasion) - Ms Yani Tseng
Isn't she pretty! :-*
Plus we also love a pitcher with the Detroit Tigers.
Yes, his name really is pronounced 'Footy knee'!
So 2 of Taiwan's smaller 'fish' have moved clubs.
1: TDL to St Kilda where he'll have to fight with Milne, Schneider, Saad and Milera for a crumbing spot - fat chance there!
2: Aaron Edwards to Richmond. Maybe, just maybe?
Quote from: tor01doc on October 23, 2012, 11:14:29 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 14, 2012, 11:53:57 PM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 09, 2012, 10:52:24 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 02, 2012, 12:15:56 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on September 27, 2012, 10:07:45 PM
Reserved for Joke of the Week.
Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?
A microwave stops when you open the door.
Week 2
At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'
He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'
Week 3
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,
"How have things been going?"
The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,
"I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d."
The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."
The answer comes, " Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a
d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e
t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I
w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.
"W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I
w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d
I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e
a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d, s..h..e c..o u l d
d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y
f..a..c..e.."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first
friend.
" W..e..l..l, I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e
w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s"
This week...
>>It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only to accept people
>>whoever had a really bad day on the day they had died. On the first
>>morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the
>>pearly gates and said the first man in line, "Tell me about the day
>>you died." The man said, "Oh it was awful. I was sure my wife was
>>having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her
>>in the act. I searched all over the apartment and couldn't find him
>>anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we lived on the 25th
>>floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. So
>>I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands.
>>He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived. So I went
>>inside
>> got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it
>>crushed him
>> The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, so I died."
>>St Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was
>>a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven.
>>He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir,
>>it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor
>>apartment, when I slipped over the edge.
>>I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me but then
>>some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of
>>course,but I landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came
>>out and dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets
>>him into heaven and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job.
>>"Tell me about the day you died, " he said to the third man.
>>"Okay, picture this.
>>
>>
>>
>>I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator ..."
So another...
The Old Cowboy
Ya think you have lived to be 85 and know what you are...then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens!
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'
This week's funny...
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forwards, then backwards again...back and forth...back and forth....in and out....in and out.
Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream
and shouted, 'OK OK! I can't park the f**king car! You do it, you smug barbie!'
Contrary to the Llamas, here in Taiwan we are still on the piss.
Aaron Edwards is Master of Ceremonies and we are flying.
Hic.
Have you signed Fev as an assistant? What about Cousins? Is Bernie Vince on your radar?
Quote from: tor01doc on November 04, 2012, 11:48:27 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 23, 2012, 11:14:29 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 14, 2012, 11:53:57 PM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 09, 2012, 10:52:24 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on October 02, 2012, 12:15:56 AM
Quote from: tor01doc on September 27, 2012, 10:07:45 PM
Reserved for Joke of the Week.
Eg What is the difference between George Michael and a microwave?
A microwave stops when you open the door.
Week 2
At work the other day a guy is post op wearing an oxygen mask and he asks the pretty young student nurse a question, 'Are my testicles black?' She blushes and avoids the issue. He persists so she pulls down the sheet, and ever so gently cradles his scrotum, lifts it up and then a bit to the left an a bit to the right, and says 'No they aren't bruised.'
He pulls off his mask and says 'Come closer' and whispers in her ear ' I said are my test results back?'
Week 3
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.
First guy asks the second guy,
"How have things been going?"
The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,
"I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d."
The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."
The answer comes, " Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a
d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e
t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I
w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was
almost married.
"W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I
w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d
I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e
a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d, s..h..e c..o u l d
d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y
f..a..c..e.."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first
friend.
" W..e..l..l, I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e
w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s"
This week...
>>It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only to accept people
>>whoever had a really bad day on the day they had died. On the first
>>morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the
>>pearly gates and said the first man in line, "Tell me about the day
>>you died." The man said, "Oh it was awful. I was sure my wife was
>>having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her
>>in the act. I searched all over the apartment and couldn't find him
>>anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we lived on the 25th
>>floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. So
>>I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands.
>>He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived. So I went
>>inside
>> got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it
>>crushed him
>> The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, so I died."
>>St Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was
>>a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven.
>>He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir,
>>it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor
>>apartment, when I slipped over the edge.
>>I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me but then
>>some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of
>>course,but I landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came
>>out and dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets
>>him into heaven and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job.
>>"Tell me about the day you died, " he said to the third man.
>>"Okay, picture this.
>>
>>
>>
>>I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator ..."
So another...
The Old Cowboy
Ya think you have lived to be 85 and know what you are...then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens!
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'
This week's funny...
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forwards, then backwards again...back and forth...back and forth....in and out....in and out.
Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream
and shouted, 'OK OK! I can't park the f**king car! You do it, you smug barbie!'
And this week...
>> > First-year students at Med School were receiving their first
>> > anatomy
>>class
>> > with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery
>> > table with the body covered with a white sheet.
>> > The professor started the class by telling them, In medicine, it is
>> > necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is
>> > that
>>you
>> > not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.
>> >
>> > For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his
>> > finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger
>> > in his mouth. Go ahead and do the same thing, he told his students.
>> >
>> > The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
>> > eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead
>> > body and sucking on it.
>> > When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them, and told
>> > them, The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in
>> > my middle
>>finger
>> > and sucked on my index finger.
>> >
>> > Now learn to pay attention.
Quote from: tor01doc on September 27, 2012, 09:59:55 PM
The Team
DEF: M.Johnson,J. Drummond, C.Enright, R.Dysonshower! N.Vlastuin, J.Hunt
MID: G.Ablett, R.Sloane, N. Lower, S.Wellingham, N.Fyfe
RUC: D.Jolly
FWD: G.Broughton, J.Porplyzia, A.Walker, B.McGlynn
UTI: J.Corey, M.Rosa, T.Dickson, J.Winderlich
BENCH:
DEF: S.McMahon, K.Hardingham, C.Dell'Olio
MID: K.Horsley, D.Jackson, Hairy C Jones, J Winderlich, Nathan Wright
RUC: M.Kruezer, A. Pattinson, T. Campbell
FWD: M.Stokes, A.Edwards, A.Davey, T. Dennis-Lane, A. McPhee, S. Wright
UTIL: A. Toovey, K. Ugle, Z. Skinner, Brett Ebert
With 7 players gone from my team I am looking for defenders.
Any offers??
This week's little joke...
3 virgin sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: ?Nescafe?. Puzzled at first, Mum went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: ?Good till the last drop?. Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding, and the card read: ?Rothmans?. Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes to read from the pack: ?Extra Long. King Size?. She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl departed for her honeymoon in New Zealand ... Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. A month passed; still nothing.. A card finally arrived from Auckland on which was written with shaky hand, ?Air New Zealand ?..
Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.
'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'
MUM FAINTED !!!!!
I heard some of your players died due to lung cancer
No, one of their kids did!
I heard Rory Sloane is in the Taiwan hospital because of smoking and then got bit by a snake
Looking at that team cant wait to anihlate you come rivalry round! ;D
Quote from: KoopKicka on December 01, 2012, 11:28:31 PM
Looking at that team cant wait to anihlate you come rivalry round! ;D
A huge +1 to that one ;)
Smoking babies?
And where's my jokes >:(
Babies currently chomping on nicorette gum and getting fat.
Dogs scared now.
Jokes coming next week when I am back at work.
Nice of you to notice.
only thing i noticed was the lack of fwds to kick goals for you :o thats worse then mine when you posted about same stuff.... but i traded in Jroo and Clark to rectify that, who you got :P lol!
Ahh - you have spotted my Achilles heel.
Any suggestions, wiseguy? ;)
Jack Gunston for Ablett? ;)
Quote from: tor01doc on January 18, 2013, 02:50:22 AM
Ahh - you have spotted my Achilles heel.
Any suggestions, wiseguy? ;)
My suggestion is...........Give up :P lol
I will be relying on Dickson, Wright and Stokes - hmmm - will be tough I know.
And now JB joins the slaughter. ::)
You know that Wellingham was a forward in your trade?
I know now! ::)
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
Taiwan's beloved dictator, President Ma Ying-jeou, has declared a compulsory national Day of Mourning.
Losing its Davis Cup tie to the lowly ranked Australians is very hard to bear for such a proud country...especially with the little Aussie bogan playing a key role in our demise - COME ON!
Where are my jokes?!?!? >:(
Quote from: tor01doc on February 03, 2013, 11:43:15 AM
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
Taiwan's beloved dictator, President Ma Ying-jeou, has declared a compulsory national Day of Mourning.
Losing its Davis Cup tie to the lowly ranked Australians is very hard to bear for such a proud country...especially with the little Aussie bogan playing a key role in our demise - COME ON!
Davis Cup/Asians doesnt matter what competition, same result ;)
Quote from: JBs-Hawks on February 03, 2013, 02:55:37 PM
Quote from: tor01doc on February 03, 2013, 11:43:15 AM
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
Taiwan's beloved dictator, President Ma Ying-jeou, has declared a compulsory national Day of Mourning.
Losing its Davis Cup tie to the lowly ranked Australians is very hard to bear for such a proud country...especially with the little Aussie bogan playing a key role in our demise - COME ON!
Davis Cup/Asians doesnt matter what competition, same result ;)
Obviously just 'Joshin'' me JB?
Good one though!
Quote from: whatlez on February 03, 2013, 02:47:53 PM
Where are my jokes?!?!? >:(
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked,
"Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?"
And that's the last thing I remember.
EMBARRASSMENT
A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you??
The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right??
The guy then responded with a loud voice: ?$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!?
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered in her ear: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND!
>
>
> A woman was in a coma.
>
> She had been in it for months.
>
> Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath.
>
> One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever they touched her there.
>
>
>
> They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement..
>
> They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral sex' will do the trick &bring her out of the coma'
>
> The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.
>
>
> The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
>
> After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
>
>
> The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
> .
> .
The husband said,'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.!'
..
Savage isn't a forward, Doc!
Hard to argue with that! :-[
Good bye Broughton and Walker.
Hello Lewis and Brennan.
Love a Hawk in the team.
Surely Oscar Pistorius can't be the first bloke to wake up legless on Valentine's Day after shooting a load into his girlfriend's face whilst imagining she was someone else?
Is this too rude? :-[ :-\ ??? ;D
Quote from: tor01doc on February 22, 2013, 03:23:33 AM
Surely Oscar Pistorius can't be the first bloke to wake up legless on Valentine's Day after shooting a load into his girlfriend's face whilst imagining she was someone else?
Is this too rude? :-[ :-\ ??? ;D
Well yes depending on your limits on humour
I like South Park so...
Absolute gold 8)
So Usain Bolt rocks up to a golf course in southern US of A looking for a round.
The pro says, 'Sorry. Coloured folk aren't allowed to play here. There's a public course 10 minutes down the road where you will be allowed to play.'
Usain starts ranting, 'Do you know who you're taking to? I am Usain Bolt.'
So the guy says, 'All right then Mr Smarty Fastpants. It's 3 minutes down the road. Now flower off.'
Let's hope the pro never goes to Iraq :o or he might get what's coming to him ;)
(http://www.miamidolphinscheerleaders.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Carissa.jpg)
Did someone say, 'Cheerleader?, :-*
(http://www.miamidolphinscheerleaders.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Brianne.jpg)
Dolphin's have the world's best AFL player, the world's best golfer (LPGA) and the world's best cheerleaders.
(http://www.lpga.com/~/media/7c92ece28a484a7a8c6a53a2253c85c1/13%2002%20tsengy%20161830397%20620x349.jpg?w=620&h=349)
And one for the ladies - world's best golfer - also from Taiwan.
(http://www.miamidolphinscheerleaders.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Nikki6.jpg)
And one more for the boys.
We Dolphins do a pretty nice swimsuit calendar.
Taiwan's board have sat and decided to name their Reserves Team in such a way as to pay homage to the previous name of Taiwan.
The FORMOSA SARDINES will be the name of The Taiwan Dolphin's Reserves Team.
We are able to break further news. John West have come on board as major sponsor of the Magoos.
(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRuAdyBCbdkl-qzs9XzZxG3vCOWZjo6mXwQdkRXtdE8EL3wbAMSpQ)
More sponsors seem to be clambering to get on board.
Welcoming Ayam Brand - sardines in tomato sauce - yum, get them on your plate.
(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTmMdWf4WBT132Z12GWCyTBYwtFlSTpdwgV09DzIpjZFQQm_W5O)
WTF?
(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSc2khQ2b-Gd_JdJ8dPwVzhgmCD6gOLtzlyChdNymkrdmvf-ui4Fg)
Trouble brewing in Taiwan. :-X